Not One More

Dear Friends, Allies, Trans* Identified folks, and those who stray from Gender Norms,

    In this modern age, an age where we as people almost daily spark revolutions against the oppressors and who battle for those who cannot battle for who they are.  We who have stood up to large governments and said "We shall not take this anymore!" and have fought tooth and nail to be the people we are.  We who have helped each other out in moments of desperation.  These moments, these times we live in we have yet to shed light on something that is horribly terrible.  Something that is never brought to light in ways that I feel should be brought to the attention.  Given the attention and awareness we need to be giving it.

   I speak of course about the persecution of the Trans* Community.  The community where as people, who live and fight tooth and nail to be who they are.  These people are shut up, given up on, and labeled as wrong for being who they are.  Being Trans* is so much more than just transitioning and changing your gender and/or sex.  It's about being a person who has overcome the challenges of being part of the Gender Norms.  About standing up and saying "I am an amazing human being and it's time that I too have this known."  Yet, these brave souls who have been cast from the society they want to so desperately to hold onto.  These brave souls on a daily basis deal with so much scrutiny and oppression that it is unjust and not to bare.  They after years of bullying and moments of weakness.  These people let go.  They let it all go and no longer deal with these terrible woes.  I am of course speaking out on those Trans* individuals who are Bullied, Teased, Humiliated, and Oppressed by their own governments for being who they are commit suicide. Only because it's a better option than to feel that life has been unjust and cruel.  Only because we as people see Trans* as a affliction to society and treat it as a disease.  We are violently lashed at, oppressed, and wrongfully imprisoned to the point that we see this life as negative.  I want to save us all, and I want not another soul to leave this world because they are Trans*.  I want them to live and lead happy, healthy, and positive lives.

   For it being called a "Disease" we treat those who "suffer" from being Trans* as a plague we must eliminate by extreme means.  We either take it into our own hands and commit suicide to escape the torment or we are victims of brutal hate crimes that either leave us dead in the streets to be discovered or horribly beaten to the point that we may never lead a life.  Statistically being Trans* comes with the highest amount of suicides and hate crimes against them.  Those who are People of Color have even higher rates because they are not only Trans* but also exist in another oppressive system.  Which, it should never be like this.  Folks should never deem anothers life better and the ones they have.  We must take action, we must be aware, and we must be ready to be that action.  I ask of you to take it into your hands and make a change.  I want you to stand up and speak out against the hate that Trans* persons have, and to ever make the effort in your community to make them aware that it's not okay to be cruel to those who are different from you.  Those who are made to suffer because the majority see them as sick.

   Please visit #NotOneMore and share your stories of being oppressed and how you over came them.  Share your local stories of violence towards Trans* people.  Only because to get the world to understand that these crimes to happen and the we are treated unfairly we have to expose them at high rates.  Remember, that you are who you are.  You should be allowed to exist as you deem fit.  For that I love you.

~Tegan Rowan Stryker

Roles, Gender, and Society

  You live in a modern age where society is still dictated by social roles that have been in effect since the Baby Boomers age and they passed them on to "Generation X".  So, here we are:  Living in the age of modern technological advances and yet, we still cannot advance as society, gender roles, and as humans.  We can put pig hearts in a chest to save a life, yet, we let roles in society that are based on an ideal state of living that dates back to our great grandparents youthful days.  Hopefully, we can learn that the society is dictated by these social standards and then overcome them.  We are a different age of human life.  We are the 21st Century.  Let’s live like it.

            Now, you may be thinking about how one can discourage such a fact that most social standards come from the beginning of human existence?  I do understand that when humans first surfaced to life. “Males” where the hunters and “Females” where the scavengers for berries and other foods that are gathered by hand and not murdered, also, “Females” raised the children and where used communally to breed children.  Also, the act of chivalry was first used by Knights as a code of honor on how to treat woman.  As, I have no qualms about the treatment of people. I do feel that we should treat both sexes by the act of Chivalry, I mean; I love when doors are opened for me, and I am sat at a table.  I think a “Man” would like it too.  It’s a way for compassion that should be felt by both genders.  These are what I am not going to discourage, as these are basic human nature.  What I am trying to bring to light is the ideal state of gender neutral existence.  As, I feel that in a modern age; our 19th and 20th century.  Most social standards I will bring to light will be those of a modern age, those that happened at the turn of the Industrial Revolution as well as those that took place in the “Cold War” era.  These, are the social standards that have influenced our Gender Roles and modern society that we see daily in our lives in the 20th century.

     Maybe just maybe you want to know why you live the way you do?  Why you see life as two roles? Those are: “Gender” and “What you do in that gender”.  Thus, what you do in that gender; is what is known as “Gender Roles”.  It was a standard in the 1950s, after public school became mandatory that “Men” would go to work every day of the week (excluding weekends) to be the “Bread Winner” whilst the "Woman" in society stayed home, tidied the house, and made sure to have food on the table by time the family returned home after work and school.  If a woman did work in the ‘Baby Boomer” era, she would find work seldom as anything that held value; and she would make far less than a man would at the time, because, of the single fact that she was a “She”.  “Men”, would mock woman that worked.  Thus, it was so rare for such an act.  Woman held jobs as secretaries, nurses, or seamstresses. A woman would never be an executive, political seat holder, or even a construction worker.  Do you see a form of regression in “Woman Gender Roles”?  Woman in the time of WWII would work as construction workers, factory workers, and even work as other jobs that “Men” would normally work but since “Men” where no longer on US soil, they had their wives work for them.  Yet, after “Men” returned home; “Woman” would live as “Home-Makers”.   Society slowly drifted in this phase of life. The “American Dream” as they coined it.  It moved to this phase, and yet, it was blindly accepted by the majority. It wasn’t until the late 60s and early 70s that “Woman” moved into a bigger mindset that “Woman” could be independent!  This came with a price of course.  “Woman” who would work in a “Man’s” world would be sexually harassed and make less money because even till this day no Federal legal document in the United States actually gives Woman equal rights as employees.  It actually is a social standard that equal wages are accepted.  In this age:  EOE (Equal Opportunity Employers) as they are known, are those that live to these standards. If they are not EOE, they actually can deny you the same fair wage.  Though, Federal Law gives a bigger tax break to EOE companies. So most companies are EOE certified. 

     “Men”, though, where known as working in office and coming home to eat and relax after a long day.  Most propaganda was fueled by “Father” coming home and relaxing with a scotch on the rocks while the woman still maintained the life at home.  “Men”, would actually do work in the house, that being maintenance and upkeep.  Fixing, patching, and working to keep the house up to par.  As well as working in the yard. It was very common for only the “Men” to tend the yard.  Having a good lawn in “White Bread” suburbia was sign of social achievement in the social Hierarchy of “Lower”, “Middle”, and “Upper” Classes.  The better and bigger the lawn, the more esteem you seemed to obtain in value and wealth.  Many movies, art, and propaganda fed this as “The American Dream”.  

     Nowadays, “Men” actually are bread winners in this day and age.  It’s still a higher percentile of more “Men” that are work while “Woman” stay home, though, the margins are closer than ever because of the idea of “Woman” working in the work force, is social allowed.  This actually became a big idealistic state of being in the Mid-1980s.  Now, in today’s society, we actually see several things that do differ from what once was.  You see, single Mothers who work to support her children, “Woman” who work while the husband stays at home, and you even see Woman who hold high ranking jobs (both civil and political).  It can be empowering. Do you see anything that still stands in society from that “Old Ways”?  You see “Woman” make far less than “Men” do.  Only a few exceptions can be thought of. Those are the lucky ones that actually worked the system. It’s very progressive that we can actually see that become a reality. Seeing, two Genders in society actually co-exist on the same planes. As equals, as it should be.

     You may notice that you understand the two aspects in which make up society: “Males” and “Females”.  Yet, why do they do this?  Why do I have to define them as “Male” and “Female”?  Gender plays a bigger role than just “Gender Roles”.  Key aspects in society are dictated by Gender.  Names, mannerisms, and even the clothes we should wear.  The only reason that is false policy exist is because we accept it.  Those who actually break from this path of acceptance and go their own ways with Gender and how it is perceived should be known as “Gender Pioneers”.  When you are growing up, you noticed two things about yourself and the world.  That would be your biological gender and what is meant for you biological gender.  You then learned that another gender opposite yours existed as well.  What does it mean to be “Male” or “Female”? You cannot honestly give me one definition that doesn’t stray from another definition I would get from another person. “Men” can be sensitive, compassionate, and understanding. Woman can be hard, solidary, and complex. People are gender.  Not the other way around. Gender is what you make it. Gender is the ideal state of being in which one feels that they belong to a certain category of gender.  Though, Gender can be more than two.  Gender is a very loose term that umbrellas a spectrum of many other existing terms used to describe ones existence.  Why do we have to label it?  It’s simply put, we label, because, in society if it isn’t labeled. It is part of the unknown and the unknown is scary.  When you have a term to describe something, you feel more accepting of it.            

• Gender: The state of which a person defines as a label existent by certain characteristics that fit their mental gender.            
• “Male”: Masculine; A person who acts of the “Male” persona.            
• “Female”: Feminine; A person who acts of the “Female” persona            
• Transgender: A person who is transitioning from their biological Gender to an opposite state of their biological gender (This can include Gender Variant Folks).
• Transsexual: A person who is transitioning from their biological sex to the opposite of their biological sex.            
• Intersex: A person born with a gender birth defect that can classify them as both “Male” and “Female” at the same time.            
• Sex: The biological genitalia one is born with.            
• Third Sex: A person that exist between two genders and/or sex.
• Genderqueer: A dual meaning term which means a person is switching from gender to gender at any time and doesn’t stick to one gender for very long or it means a person who is transitioning to their opposite gender of their biological gender and is going to be “queer” or “Homosexual” in the gender they are transitioning into.           

• Genderfuck: People who disregard all Gender roles in society and fit to both gender and the roles it consist of at any given time (Make you question Gender and roles all together).              
• CIS Gender: A person that exist at the gender they are born with and live inside the gender roles of their biological gender.            
• Non-gender conforming: A person who does not relate to either gender defined in society.  
• Transvestite: A person who appears as one gender but has the sex of the other gender that is opposite of the one they perceive, yet, they live as the gender their appearance dictates.

As you can see there are many terms that define how people identify in the spectrum. Above are not all the ones that exist, just a brief highlight to identities outside the spectrum of the two dominating genders. The thing about it all is that you can never really judge someone by looks or even just sex.  People really should just be themselves.  My name is “Tegan”.  I do not identify as either sex to be honest. I just exist.  I am “Tegan” that is who I am.  You are always a “Who” and never a “What”.  Remember that! Gender is just a term.  Gender is Mental. It’s about how you feel. It’s nothing less than a way you feel about yourself. If you feel that way, it’s perfectly fine. You have that right, because you have free will and because, you are human.             Gender really meddles in places it could better be left out of.  Think about it.  Why do you have to dress a certain way, just because you were born as a sex you cannot control.  Who you are biologically is not your choice. It’s unconscious decision made by genetic code, eggs, and sperm.  So, why should you be force to live a certain way? When you could not live the way you want to? Circumstances which exist out of your hands caused your biological gender.  It’s a forced lifestyle that hinders your potential.  I’m talking about clothes. It seems like a very small topic, but in society it’s frowned on and even can turn violent when “Men” decide to wear “Female” clothes.  Does that even make sense?  “Women” are forced to conform to a perfect standard of clothing.  Anything over Size 8 is considered “Large” for “Woman”.  Woman have to live to a standard of clothing “Rankings” that change yearly and even change based on what people in a collective group state it has to be.  This is a closed minded attempt to make the idealization of “Perfection” a closer realization. Yet, that makes no sense.  You are perfect the way you are.  If you do not like something, change it.  It’s that simple.  So why should close for “Females” do this?  When ““Men”” clothing has no standard?  It never changes.  It stays the same. “Women” are held to standards and “Men” are not.  Isn’t that just a form of social segregation?   That is just cruel to one Gender.  The interesting thing about clothing is simple. The standard is set by society.  We choose to blindly accept these standards to live up too.  It’s easily change when society changes it. We have that power, yet, we forget that.  If you make clothing Unisexual, you make it completely non-oppressive to either gender and you have one simple standard to make clothing too.  It’s like Metric and SI standards for Math.  Why is only one continent still using SI?             Here is another place that Gender meddles in life.  “Marriage”, why should only a “Man” and “Woman” be allowed to be married?  Why cannot “Janet” and “Harry” marry, “Bobby” and “Nick”, or even “Sarah” and “Joan”?  It’s just so cruel to hold the standard to only the opposite genders are able to marry.  It’s not fair that people cannot marry.  Just a “Man” and “Woman” are the standard we live up too.  As though, it would be an improper way of life to let two “People” who love each other marry.  Not two “People” who are the “Opposite” gender are the only people who can show the ultimate form of commitment.  Studies are even conducted and show that two persons of the same gender can in fact raise healthy, normal, well mannered, educated, and even productive members of society.  These children who grow up with two parents of the same gender even have a larger open mind than most people nowadays. These persons who are innovative, loving, homosexual and heterosexual people grew up with a family, because family is what you make it. Family is “People” you love, not “Gender” you love.  That’s it though, they are people.  No different than you or me.             What is something everyone has but can be both Gender Conforming and unique to your person only?  It’s simple; your name is the answer.  This is interesting, because in all of history the first name was a grunt.  That was it.  A grunt!  Now, you have names like “Shirley”, “Frank”, “Joan” and “Daniel”; what is the gender conformity of those names?  Can you tell me?  I can look at those names and tell you what Gender that name is given too.  Why should I be able to do that? I was conditioned growing up to learn what a name was, and what types of names suited which gender.  I feel that it is actually wrong to not let your children choose their name.  You cannot select your gender and now you are going to tell me that you name me from the get go?  What kind of control is that? I have to wait till I am 18 to choose my rightful name? Usually by that time, you never want to change you name, because, you feel it would be too much of a hassle to learn a new one, and to pay all the cost to do it.  Basically, it’s like a judge looks at you and goes; “First ones free, want another pay up!”  How is that fair?             Also, why should I not be allowed to select a name that I want and not let it be another gender name?  How come I have to have a name that is “suited” for my gender?  Is it possible to be “A boy named Sue”?  Why yes it is.  We only accept that names are gender conforming because we are raised to believe this.  In actuality, your name can be “Sarah” and your gender can be “Male”. I mean, we allow “Male” names to have “Female” counterparts “Harriet (Harry)” and “Georgia (George)”, for example.  Yet, making the “Male” name just a “Person’s” name?  Why? It comes down to the standards that exist and the standards you accept.  It’s basic that you live your life the way you plan on it, and no longer accept that society controls your life.  The control society has on your life, is the rules that play in our life.

            Sit back and look around at a family structure that you live in.  Then, think about everything anyone ever told you about how you should act in that structure.  Finally, look at your gender, what you were told, and what your placement in the family structure is.  Where do you see yourself?  Do you see yourself masculine or feminine? Then, do you see your gender as masculine or feminine?  How does that make you feel?  Does it feel that you should accept that and you are comfortable with it, or, do you feel off-set by the relations you linked together?  That is a gender role in society.  That is it.  What you feel about that gender role is really the part of “Nurture vs. Nature” that you really have to understand.   First, I must elaborate on that field of study.             “Nurture vs. Nature” is a belief that when a child is born disregarding the gender they are born as, they, can be either gender because they are raised as any gender the parents deem fit.  Thus, you can raise a boy as a girl or vice versa.  This is saying that genetic coding in the body does not dictate the outcome of physical or behavioral traits a child will undergo and be instilled with because they are raised in a certain light.  That light being the gender they are “forced” to live as.  This theory actually comes from a Victorian time period Polymathy named Francis Galton, who received the idea from his cousin: Charles Darwin’s book “Origin of a Species”. Both Donald Hebb (a psychologist) and Judith Harris (an Author) both wrote books on the idea that children are raised and instilled with morals and standards that they live up to, can in fact be a way of life one grows into.  So, even though a child has “Free-Will” the belief that what you are raised to believe can inherently affect that “Free-Will” one has.  Hebb answered the questions

     “Which, nurture or nature, contributes more to personality?”

With the answer:

     “Which contributes more to the area of a rectangle, its length or its width?” For a particular rectangle, its area is indeed the product of its length and width. Moving to a population, however, this analogy masks the fact that there are many individuals, and that it is meaningful to talk about their differences. Thus if a game such as soccer defined the width of a playing field very tightly, but left the length unspecified, then differences in the area of the playing fields would be almost entirely due to differences in length.  Harris wrote the book “The Nurture Assumption”, in the book she argues that “nurture” even though linked to a family upbringing may have some effects on a child’s adult IQ and even personality.  A child may have a bigger part played on these traits by peer grouping and random environmental factors (culture and era of growth) that plays a bigger part on the nurture than family life does. In which, is true, because children do spend more time in public domains because of public schools after the age of five that outside influences do play a larger role.  Though, it is not these outside sources that affect our thinking on gender.  Gender, can be asserted to nature instinct.  We are born to breed, to fight, and to love. It’s natural.  As is our thinking methods and our free will. These are factors that do affect how we perceive that world.  Now, what we do with these factors is what really makes the logical thinking that one can use to make headway in the world and view everyone as an equal and not hold someone accountable for things out of their control.

     Want to know something very interesting about a gender neutral world? You no longer have to define your “Partners” by the two terms “Boyfriend” or “Girlfriend” we can now have even cooler names to define our “Lovers”.  Want to learn a few? Here we go:

• Paramour
• Significant Other/OS
• Gender-friend
• Lover
• Sweetie/Sweets
• Partner
• Cuddle Buddy
• Soul-mate
• Steady
• [name]friend
• Mate

     Are those not just the coolest sounding terms of endearment you have ever heard? I mean, I would love to be called a “Steady” or a “Gender-friend”.  It’s just better to not define someone as a “Boyfriend” or “Girlfriend” because not everyone goes by that.  People who are “Gender-fluid” for instance would be coined as a single gender. The ideal of accepting that only a person can be just one gender is closed circuit. Many people break these molds and stick to many different gender states in a solid time.  It’s almost like this, not all children, but some when growing up have the notion that all dogs are male and all cats are female. Why is that?  It is explainable like this.  Dogs are protectors, hunters, and shown in a more masculine light through media circuits (Take “Homeward Bound 2” and “All Dogs Go to Heaven” for instance). Cats are portrayed as light, flexible, and whimsical creatures.  Cats expel many feminine traits (For instance, “Batman’s” villain “Cat-woman” and even “Cat’s vs. Dogs”).  This is why these children learn later in life that these species exist as two genders.  Yet, because of their traits, childhood innocents as well as mass media preludes a different tale.

            So, with gender also comes the more ignorant and unacceptable discrimination that comes with anything. This planet is full of discrimination and it’s a very negative and hurtful thing that corrupts most of the planet still. It’s the idea of something being different that scares us.  Sadly, one way to deal with the “Unknown” is to make fun of it. People are discriminated on based on race, heritage, geographical location, sexual orientation, religion, and even gender.  Yes, gender! Now, geographically speaking gender roles are significantly different.  The belief that “Woman” have to keep their faces covered is only followed in Muslim dominate countries.  Such our beliefs in: Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, and other “Middle Eastern” countries. Or that governing rights are mainly for “Male” gendered persons.  That is also a “Middle Eastern” belief that is followed. Why should two genders be given roles that are hurtful to a person just because of a random factor?  That main factor being: their gender. We cannot choose it! Stereotypes are discrimination as well. Another belief is that “Woman” is mainly allowed to be in the kitchen.  That is a “Woman’s” place to cook and clean.  That’s a shallow belief that is seen across the world.  “Woman” are equal human-beings that are may be better at many things over a man.  Being a good worker may be that trait.  Raising our children with that belief is just wrong.  As you should be learning that you can be anything you set your goals too.  In a believable range that is.  Don’t dream to be a fire truck Billy… It’s not going to happen. Or that all “Men” have to be bread-winners in a household or that they hit “Woman” who does not listen to them.  Not all “Men” are violent people or even bread-winners. Did you ever think about a lesbian couple? I mean, there is not man in that equation so; one of them has to make more money in a household.  So, one of them who is “Female” is a bread-winner.  It’s logic and acceptable as that’s how it should be.  There is nothing wrong with someone with a vagina making money to support them in a world that is controlled by money.             The idea that gender marks what you will do in your life, which in itself is discrimination because we set realistic goals for a gender that someone of any gender, could partake in.  So, why make it only for one gender and not everyone? Would that not make more sense in a world where we believe that anything is possible? Living to standards set in an era that is not our own only means we are going to repeat all the mistakes of past generations.  Making new standards and goals that do not discriminate on gender, only means, that future generations are going to make a bigger and better world based off our ideas.  We would never be forgotten.

            Now, one can actually ask of how this ideal state of existence would come about?  Two genders exist and that is so. Though, when it comes down to it:  Raising a child in a gender neutral lifestyle is more quite a feat, but not in the slightest hindering a child’s outlook on life.  Now, one of the most interesting studies done on the raising of a child is “Nurture vs. Nature”.  See above for reference on “Nurture vs. Nature”.  My belief on the matter is that both Nurture and Nature are practical for raising a child.  Here is how this makes sense:  When raising a child in a gender neutral environment you have to remember that children who are adolescent depend on observational skills to do most of the learning they do in those years.  This is both touch and sight, when a child is between that ages of one through four a child uses touch to both “discover” them as well as discover other things. A child can make a rational discovery of what their sex consist of. With sight a child can both see that two types of sex also exist.  Most the time, “Mommy” and “Daddy” help this come about.             One thing that we fail to understand is that regardless of what you instill in a child, when they grow of an age where they can make their own decisions and act on those decisions; a child will enviably turn to which one they seem to be more connected with.  So, nature does take course as a child has free will and we cannot hinder this either. We can though, instill moral values and ideas that will help them be successful regardless of the life they choose.  We cannot stop this. We do not own our children; we just let them grow in our care. The thought that raising a child with the understanding that regardless that two genders and sexes exist, anyone can fill the roles of both sexes/genders at any time.  A child will both understand what gender/sexes consist, the roles that those genders/sexes are expected to fill, and finally be able to discern that regardless of the gender/sex of a person.  They exist of a single person and gender plays no role in whom they are.

            Did you know that even vocabulary is placed in the same groups as “Male” or “Female”? In English, only objects are given feminine or masculine traits by the descriptors OR they are given that trait by the pronouns used: “He”, “She”, “His”, “Her”, “Him”, “Man”, and “Lady” to name a few. Spanish uses “El” and “La” to make objects “Masculine” or “Feminine”.  Now, as though characters and people need to be placed into these groups.  The idea of stepping back and not saying “Him” or “Her”, but using words such as “They” or “Them” to describe a single person and not a group, is not a bad idea.  We do it in speech daily, as though it is even improper we still express when talking anonymously about a person, “They” and “Them”.  I find no problem with using “They” and “Them” as pronouns and not adjectives. Regardless the proper grammar required it does not muck up a sentence in the slightest.  It’s like saying this:

“Billy, while walking down the street, dancing to the beat of the bass in his ears, was not detoured from his walking in a straight line.”  I can insert “They” and lose all pronouns of a masculine nature and I get this:

“They, while walking down the street, dancing to the beat of the bass in their ears, were not detoured from walking in a straight line.”  Do you find that offensive? Do you feel that even though you have no idea of the gender of the person in question you can still make out the picture I have painted in your mind?  I completely conveyed a small plot with characters and only eliminated a single sect of the sentence.  Only making it ambiguous and no longer substantial in whom a character is but in what the actions they are completing.  Does that sound bad?  Why should it be frowned upon when someone uses “Darling” or “Dear” when talking to a person?  Should not a language that requires pronouns to describe an object or person also allow a gender neutral or “gray area” option?  Not everyone feels as though they should. Why should we make this required?

            Now the idea I am talking about is not entire elimination of gender in society.  I do not mean go outside and just start attacking a certain gender.  I do not condone gender genocide!  What merely I am portraying in this paper, is an act of acceptance of who exist.  The idea of a society that relates to gender, as both two bodies do exist: “Male” and “Female” bodies, but also do not let gender play the significant role it is allowed to. Basically, we have an ideal state of a constant unisexual acceptance in a social light. The ability to accept that someone who is biologically one sex can be of another gender and the knowledge that people are people, and regardless of who they are, they are never excluded, shamed, or belittled for that fact. It’s giving up standards that held the world together in a different time and accepting a new set to fit our modern day and age society without hindering our complete and inevitable potential. 

"Gender" and it's "Things"

Gender -  That can be an amazing word.  That can be a term that can me so much to someone or so little to another.  It can be associated with genitals and mentally thought of as well.  Gender is just a whole of a person or not a person or all.  Growing up; gender doesn't seem like that big of a deal until you hit that wall.  That wall being the day you literally sit down and think about yourself.  Think about your experiences.  Where you are from? What got you to be who you are?  Most folks, never question this.  "Gender" in fact they probably never think about it or write it.

   You then have Trans* folks.  Gender is really all we have.  It's simply the most important thing we cling to because of the single fact that we never have been more sure of something; until we discover we are not who we thought we where.  We fight tooth and nail to be valid to not only ourselves but to the world.  Only because the world is a dick and puts you in boxes.  When really all you want to do is be who you want to be.  Gender, it's a world that means so much to a community that we would riot for it (Stonewall), We would write about it (Thus, as I am now).  We never really understand Gender until you finally put yourself outside of it.  Meaning that when you are biologically born male and you don't feel male.  You literally feel like you project yourself out of your body and feel as though, you are watching a shell walk about. A shell that covers really who you are.  It's a mask, not a funny mask.  It's like that picture of the crying clown in "The Sims" game.  You don't want it there, you just hang it because it was the hand you where dealt.  Until finally you go "Fuck it! I'm Trans*" and you make strides and run hurdles until you make it what you will.  You make you who you are.

    Spectrum's  Gender is a who fuck ton of Spectrum's   You either take the "variations" a spectrum has and associate with "Male" or "Female".  Though, you have Expression as well... THAT'S a whole another Spectrum... In which you display what you think "Male" or "Female" looks like.  Thus, Gender Identity and Expression don't even look like you would imagine them because each person sees it different!  This is a whole fuck ton of awesome!  Why you ask?  Because, fuck norms!  People can honestly be who they are.  They are themselves.  Spectrum's prove this.  You should see what people do with Gender! It's either what you would imagine a stereotypical person to look like or something you'd never imagine. Either way, I fucking support it.  Remember, that you are who you are.  Spectrum's are just a shit ton of "What does this feel like to me and fuck what someone else thinks!"  Remember that!

   People can just fall on different parts of a spectrum.  Mix of "Male" and/or "Female" or just "Male" and/or "Female".  It's a personal choice that each individual in this world has.  Only because you have people who take gender into their own hands are counted as the Gender Rebels in my book.  Just because you go out and do what you do to be who you are.  Yeah, that stupid teenager is laughing at you or the woman is giving you that snarled look.  You know what you think when you look back. You go "You're upset by what you see.  That's perfectly fine. I'm going to be over here doing what I am doing NOT bothered by you.  Why am I not bothered?  Just because I am Trans* and sure as fuck as happy with who I am."

    Thinking about "Gender" should be positive no matter the person just because not everyone thinks long and hard about gender.  It's a privilege to be Trans*.  Remember that!  It's a privilege to have the thought process you have.  Not everyone has that, and it's refreshing, new, and just a shit ton of fucking trans*cending of norms.  That's what I like to think about it.  You just keep up what you are doing you Gender Rebel.  Just because little Suzie isn't going for it, you gotta work it!

He/She/They

    A couple days ago I was asked a very interesting question that I have not been asked before.  I've only been on a Gender-queer exploration of my body now for over a year, and the good thing is that it's been a blast.  Something that has just let me launch myself up and over the moon.  In a sense it's the most fulfilling thing I have done in the longest of times.  Which is just tops.  Anyway, you are probably wanting me to elaborate on the question.
  "So, since you go by He, She, and They pronouns.  Does that means you switch it up every so often?"  In a sense I can understand how someone would think that.  Which, I honestly would think the same thing and even am intrigued by that question myself.  So... the main question I have is "How do I actually control the pronouns and how do I even further let them know it's okay to say any of them?"  My pronouns are in a sense just He/She pronouns to folks.  I have yet to have a single person go to say they.  Only because the world is cruel and people assume pronouns.  We all know this in the Trans* community.  It's just... a horrid common occurrence.  I know you agree with me!
    They have assumed my pronouns because my presentation is usually either Masculine and Feminine most of the time.  I'm still working on the Gender-queer presentation.  I've walked around with full make up and gorgeous hair, girly clothes and no titties.  I have always walked around with a full bread, make up, male clothes and tits in.  In that sense though, I love the "Shock Factor" of the people who look at you and go "Wow, you are gorgeous."  Then, they peer at you as though they cannot find your tits and want to know if you are boy or girl (this is apparently a huge turn on for many folks) OR you get the people who stray from you because the fact you have upset the gender norms.
    So, if I look "Male" or "Female" I get that assumption put on me.  So,  if you do not know someone preferred Pronoun you assume it... correct?  NO!  You either resort to "They" as a back up or you ask them their preferred Pronoun.  The latter of the two is always nice to have.
    The main question though is simply "How do you honestly get a they?"  Which, I have found that I either do not divulge my Preferred Pronoun (PP) or I tell that person I would love to go by "They".  Other than that.  Most people know me as "He" or "She" because of my presentation or because I have just started going to "They" over the past year.  Also, tomorrow is the anniversary of going by He/She/They.  November 28, 2012 will make a year! HUZZAH!
     When it comes to the main question of the entire blog.  I really cannot put in words how I do it.  I just accept what people say and move on.  If they choose either of the options I present that is fine, because that is just how I like it.  I'm literally inclusion in human form!

~Tegan Rowan Stryker

P.S. "Ghost" by Dragonette was playing during the entire blog writing process on repeat.  That song = AMAZING.

Running with Spools!

   Obviously, we all wear clothes. Unless you were just born, a nudist, or you are copulation.   Do you ever wonder why clothes are the sizes they are or even way you have to buy a size that may be considered “Plus Size”, “Large”, and “Extra - Large”?  What designates whether clothes are either “Male” or “Female”?  The questions are quite simple to ask yourself, if, you ever bring them up.  Most people blindly buy clothes, as they are a necessity to be clothed in society.  It’s crazy to not have clothes. I wear them, your siblings, friends, and family wears them as well…  Your Mother naked; Eck.             

       Anyway, you know that clothing is tailored to specific measurements made by measuring mannequins that are of the average sizes.  “Small”, “Medium”, and “Large” are examples of this.  Though, the averages are never the same for all sizes. As the manufacturer of the clothes can set the parameters of any size they want “Small”, “Medium”, or “Large” to be.  It’s by their discretion.  Meaning, you can make “Small” as little in number as you want, or make “Large” as big as you want.  It is not fair subject people who wear your clothing to the standards, which a person feels like setting them too.  No wonder we have such a problem with self-esteem in American culture at the moment. All because an industry that feeds on the aesthetic appeal of the people who fall victim to their standards, live up too.  This industry should be standardized across the board.  A woman should not have to buy a “9” in one size and a “32” in another size.  Just because we feel that the Metric System and Standard (Imperial) should coexist.   Cannot we use a standard scale that caters to both sexes and is not offensive?  You may ask yourself “How is it offensive?”  It’s simple.  The clothing industry is allowed to tell the public that sizes above a certain number (that they set yearly) can be considered “Plus Size”.  Why?  It’s horrible to say that someone is over weight because they buy a certain type of clothing.  Many factors contribute to weight.  No industry has the right to make this a way to feed on people’s images.

                We have models, wives to be, and teenagers going to prom that fight to lose weight to fit in a dress that is smaller than they are.  They diet to make it work.  Why? Easily said: Because the standards of images in the world and in American culture are to be skinnier than the rest. Otherwise, you are overweight or “Large”.  This may or may not be the case.  Just, you do not need a collective group telling you to what to wear and how to wear it.  You should live up to your own standards and rules.  Otherwise, you are living to standards that change almost daily. The main fact of it all is that this industry has never been told to have a standard that they should live up too.  We should make clothing Uni-sexual.   This is an easy way to deal with the offensive nature of what clothes contribute too.

Step One: Get rid of all “Small”, “Medium”, and “Larges” type sizing.  The reason why?  They are based on an average sizing scale set by the manufacturer and not standardized.

Step Two:  Eliminate the both “Male” and “Female” sizes for clothing and start from scratch.

Step Three: Measure a collective group of people in every age group we use for demographics.  Why? Because this will give you the averages that are honest and in no way can be lied about.  We measure these with the Metric system and not the Standard.

Step Four: Produce clothing in numbers that are congruent with the waist, bust, shoulder, and hip sizes.  This way, no matter the size of them, you can find the correct sizing always.  Numbers should start from the smallest average size and go to the largest average size, then fill all numbers in-between.

Step Five: Make sure that Toddler and Baby clothing lines continue to exist as they are considered uni-sexual already.  No tampering with their sizing is needed.

Step Six: Produce clothing and regardless of the sex or gender let people shop for their sizes.  This way, all clothing is standardized, uni-sexual, and no longer offensive to the persons of the world.

It’s really that simple.  You can easily begin the process and phase it in when all tests are completed.   It will be a large overhaul, but, think about how long people have been making tailor made clothing for people of different weights and sizes for years. We can bring back the tailors and seamstresses and give them a job market to fill.  Jobs would be available as well as a staple in life.  It’s beneficial all the way around.

                This does not mean a large overhaul of the Fashion/Clothing industry is needed. I do not want to hider the making or production of clothing; dismantle the establishment “Logo” by “Logo”.  I want nothing more than to allow the industry to prosper, with this system we eliminate the mainstream image that is put on people.  Regardless of your weight and size, you’d have no problem finding what you needed to wear to be yourself.  We are all equal with this system.  It completely stops the segregation of gender/sex in clothing, makes it easier to shop for your ideal sizes that perfectly fit you.  Imagine finding pants that fit you the correct way and no longer having to make the decision “Do I want the extra room in the back, but have my hips fit right?”  You would be perfect because you’d have the correct measurement to wear.  It would be comfortable to wear as well as to be seen in.  Both sides of being physically attractive in your clothing as well as self-satisfied in your clothing are achieved.

                In this document I do not wish to offend as much as to educate on why things would be better in a world that accepted that gender/sex existed but was not made to make the people of the world conform to the standards it sets.  We can be our own persons and exist easily as ourselves.

Spread Your Wings

     I as a person give advice daily to people all over the place.  I absolutely enjoy this aspect of being who I am.  Just because these people look to me for guidance.  It's nice to know that your opinion is wanted and well received.  Today though, I had a friend ask me for advice on a topic that seemed to be something I have yet to talk about to anyone.  Which is Long Distance Relationships.
     With the increase we have in technology daily.  I believe that a Long Distance Relationship is something that can easily be tackled.  Skype, Texting, Phone Calls, and Facebook make relationships easier to keep up with and be a involved partner in.  Sometimes, we forget that these even exist because of the lengths people go to maintain them.  Makes these people seem as though they are in the same room most the time.  This is great to see happen and I support it. As they are legitimate forms of dating.
     We honestly as humans cannot help who we fall in love with.  As romantic and sexual attraction are on spectrum's and we ourselves move along that spectrum because each person we meet is different than the last.  Thus, we can be different forms of Romantic and Sexual attraction.  So, if you meet someone who lives 200 miles away but is absolutely stunning to you based on certain features and aspects.  By all means, you may have found the person for you.  The internet has made Long Distance Relationships more mainstream than they use to be in the past.  Use to be that you'd meet someone and they would move away, if you didn't get a phone number or mailing address.  You'd never seem or hear from them again.  ONLY because these where the only forms of communication 30 years ago.
     Though, tackling the distance barrier can as well be hard.  Only because the need for human contact can be rather haunting.  It takes time and persistent patience to maintain this type of relationship, because of the lack of contact. You have to work it into your schedule to be honest.  You have to work time together like any relationship, but you have to more often because you cannot just go out and see each other at the local club/bar/restaurant.  The need to see each other visually is more than a want.  You have to make sure you can use the technology available to tackle this.  Meaning you Skype went able, you talk on the phone when able, and you even text when able.  Just to let the other person know you are willing to go to great lengths to make it work.
     That though, can become stale.  As it's a constant redundancy that both you and your partner/s have to face.  Switch it up!  Maybe your partner/s and you people who love video games.  This is a great opportunity to play MMOs (Massive Multi-player Online games) together.  Or maybe do blogs/vlogs together on various topics/Current Events?  These are just a few ways that getting to know your partner can grow into something more.  You'll learn more about your partner if you talk about various subjects.  As well if you have the opportunity to meet up, you should take it. For this will help with the distance and need for contact.
      A long distance relationship should be more about getting to know a person for who they are.  That way when you finally do meet.  You and your partner/s can hit it off just perfect.  It's going to be a trial.  I know this all too well.  Though, building ways to incorporate time together and learning about your partner/s.  That's something I want to stress, because you need to make sure you can let your partner/s know. Know that you are willing to go the extra mile to be in a relationship, because the distance.

Past, Present, Future

    Something I never really get to talk about is about what my past actually was like.  Yeah, every once in a while I get to drop a story about a past experience I had or I get to see old friends and talk about how far we have come from who we once were.  I think one thing I try to not forget is my past.  Only for the pure fact that if those experiences hadn't happened to me, seen what I have seen, and been where I have been.  I'd never be able to be this masterpiece in progress that is the person I am.  Sometimes, the past gets me but then I think of the future work I am laying for people like myself as well as for myself and I go "I'm doing something more beautiful than I deemed possible."

       You look at me now and you see a Gender-queer person.  Someone who has compiled a GREAT deal of experiences.  Those experiences have gotten me to this singular point in my life where as a person I can validate myself.  On December 1st, I'm going to be a member of the Trans* community for eight years this year.  Tegan, that silly little cheerful teenager.  Who struggled internally for years on her gender and life in general is going to be eight.  It's a little daunting to think it took me this long to get to where I am.  I had to sit down at a time when most people are discovering themselves for the second time and I had to discover myself for the first time.  The real first time, not those failed attempts before hand.  I'm happy because I've made great strides in my personal life since that reconciliation I had with myself.  Which was just perfect.  It's a moment at your life builds up too.  Like, you just one day reflect on yourself and go "Ding! It's so clear now."  Not only have I had that several times in my life.  Everyday is a first time with myself to be honest. I embrace those moments.

    In the past, I wasn't the person I am today.  That statement is true.  When I was growing up aspects of my life now where not even a part of my past days.  I can remember when I didn't have but a single friend and that single friend was my lover at the time.  Jimmy Kawazowa, someone who really helped me take all the negative in my life and build it to be what it is.  School was always a let down, I never felt that in public school systems I would learning anything. I felt bombarded with just noise.  No time to blossom.  The children did not like me and mocked me because I was different.  This was a common ground I shared for all 12 years of Public School.  I really never saw any highlight to it.  To that extent I dove into ways to act out, ways that I felt where necessary for myself as well as the world to see me as.  I was rude, brash, and out spoken to the sense it warranted being disciplined.  I turned to drugs and alcohol at an early age to be able to make myself feel horrible. I use to say "I want to bring my body down to my level.  I want to crash and burn."  I came close to "crash and burn" several times indeed.  I remember feeling that every time I got high I was doing myself and the world a favour.  Just because I felt not a single person cared about me.  I would sleep with people to get my fix.  I was literally using sex to survive my addiction.  Which, deemed it necessary.

    

    I wouldn't ever speak a nice word to people because I didn't know how too.  My prime examples on how I should act towards people where people who 

A) Treating me like I was not worth a kind word

B) More demented and fucked up than I was.

   We wonder why our children grow up to be who they are?  Maybe it's the examples that we as a society create for our children. I am an example of what society creates for children, why they act out, why the destroy when they should create.  Though, it was nice to be dealt a shitty hand honestly.  Just because I needed to know was bad there was in the world.  That way I could create the good I do now.  Jimmy taught me to take what bad I was dealt and make them strengths.  Fighting an addiction made it known that I could persevere anything as well as be strong for those who need me to be strong.  Learning how to help someone in need instead of spitting on them.  That showed me that I could be helpful and have a purpose.  Learning that I could speak out about the things I hated.  That built the passion I have nowadays and even more made me grow into a more soft-hearted, caring, and compassionate person.  Which I would never want to change.

   The future, that is a so bright it's scary.  Just because options are all I have. I haven't been in a bad spot in years and that is because of the positive energy I have been channeling since I was 18.  It's been luck to be this way, and luckily I have realised what good it was.  I think the reflection I take of myself just ensures that my work is going to grow, mature, and become a beacon for anyone who wants guidance.  I have great friends now, support out the buttocks, and stories and experiences that grow more and more.  I wouldn't change this life.  It's just too darn sweet.

Gendertics

 Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable - a most sacred right - a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world.  – Abraham Lincoln
                The quote above, I feel really brings the beginning of a belief that is looked over in today’s society.  That is “The Right to Abolish Government” The American Constitution:  Our founding document that has ruled this land for over 200 years. It has seen some of the biggest changes amended to it in the last 100 than what our founding fathers had in mind.  Yet, in this day and age we have yet to really tackle some of the biggest problems we see in today’s lifestyle.  How many of problems do you think of?

-          Universal Healthcare
-          Equal Rights
-          Homosexual Marriage
-          Employee Rights
           
                When it comes to such an institution, the political “game” is still considered a man’s “game”. As majority of all Representatives, Congress members, Supreme Court Justice, and finally Federal and State political seat holders are male in the United States of America.   We fail to really see that all issues that are presented to the government that need to be addressed are in the end.  They come down to gender issues.  Gender is the single key issue, if addressed and dealt with in the most sensitive way it can be would abolish much discussion of rights in American Government.  Statistically speaking “Gender” can be building block for anything.  As both “Female” and “Male” bodies are different in many ways, and yet are very similar in ways as well.  It’s just how you see them.  Let’s break down the government’s seat holders by gender then, we shall tackle the issues.  You are going to need to think about this!      
            The American government has three branches: Legislative, Executive, and Judicial.  Let’s start with the Legislative (also, the largest of all three).  The Legislative branch is made up of the U.S. Congress.  We have had 112 Congresses since it was first established in 1789. The Congress is 541 members strong. Now, Congress consists of two separate assemblies: The Senate and House of Representatives.  This breaking  541 members between the houses you get 100 to the Senate (Two elected from each state) and the House of Representatives which consist of 435 (State population determines how many Representatives a state is allotted) … Wait? That doesn’t equal 541… Correct.  You have 6 non-voting delegates as well.  So, now time for a gender statistics overhaul!

111th Congress Statistics
House of Representatives
435 Members + 6 Non-Voting Delegates

Male  362 Members are Male

Female  73 Members are Female

Senate
100 Members

Male  83 Members are Male

Female  17 Members are Female

     When it comes down to it and numbers do not lie. Women do not make up a large portion of most political seats in Federal or State government.   As, it comes down to it: Women’s Equal Rights did not allow this for the longest time, as they were non-existent.  Now, the laws have changed and yet, gender wise, Men have the upper hand because they have “ruled” over these seats since they were first established.  Thus, Men holding the seats are a tradition that is still very seen in our society.  So, this is why the number is only slowly growing as Women are almost 200 years behind the men in American Politics.                 It’s ultimately a fail that anything like Gender Segregation happens in politics when two major political parties exist:  Republican and Democratic parties.  These parties exist with both sexes/genders in them.  Even though sectors in the parties exist of different viewpoints and beliefs but the major issues still unite the parties as a whole.  Meaning both sexes/genders have the same viewpoints on key issues and ideally vote for those in their district that will represent them based on which party they are in.  So, does it really matter that the gender/sex of the person makes them a better or less person to run for a seat for that party?  No, because they are united on key issues. That’s why the idea of segregation that we do not force but follow because it’s a tradition really is a fallacy.                
               The only issues that gender should be an issue is ultimately healthcare.  Why you ask?  Well, it’s simple that the female body and the male body are different in many functions as well as similar.  We just need to make sure that the help that is needed to take care of which ever body you have.  That’s only where it should come down too.  We exist as two bodies, but when you force the idea of gender into issues that play no real factor into them.  Only makes them worst because you are forcing false ideas into issues that could get along just fine.   Homosexual Marriage is one of these.  Many state Charters in the United States state that marriage is “The union of two people who are of the opposite sex.” This is also known as ‘Man and Woman’.  Why should anyone have the right to bar two people from doing what they deem they have achieved with their lives and relationship.  If two people find that they can exist with each other and love each other for their life.  Why should they not get the benefits that come with it?  ‘Civil Unions’ and ‘Domestic Partnerships’ is one thing, yet, they have their downsides as well:

Civil Unions: Demark in 1989, set up this type of “Marriage Status” that allowed couples of the same-sex to gain benefits of a married couple but the only argument best summed up by Nancy Cott “There is really not comparison, because there is nothing like marriage except marriage.”  It’s only argued that it allows the state to discern a couple as second class citizens because they are not under law part of the “Married” status. (Civil Union, 2012)

Domestic Partnership: Predating the 1999 legislative turn for this form of relationships, a domestic partnership allowed two major benefits for same-sex couples.  One, they were allowed hospital visits and time off for taking care of a partner in the hospital.  Two, they were allowed to put their partner down as next as kin in wills as well as insurance policies.  After 1999, most states who had this legislation actually allowed a change to give all benefits a married couple received to domestic partnerships. (Domestic Partnership, 2012)

                 Finally, you can see that no differences come across these two forms of partnerships except wording. The two major parts of these is this:  That in either of these types of “Marriage Statuses” they are known for giving benefits as a married couple but is not considered a full blown “Marriage”.  Secondly, Marriages are excepted in all 50 states.  Unlike a Marriage, Domestic Partnerships and Civil Unions are not.  Only a handful for states accepts these as a form of union between two same-sex members. Secondly, if you move out of a state that allows such a form of bondage.  You will find that you can have your Union revoked.  It is up to that state you move into to allow it or to deny it based on their state legislation.
                Above you can see the benefits of these two types of “Unions” for homosexuals.  Ultimately, the singular idea that everyone is trying to achieve is the idea that all persons regardless of gender or sexual orientation, should not be persecuted because they are different.  The United States was founded for the exact opposite reason; it was founded for being free from tyranny that kept a person from being who they wanted to be.  That is a government that I see when I look at the American Government.  Even though you have people with intentions other than those of you or I see when we look.                 What do you know about Equal Rights for Employees in America?  Did you know that it does not legally state that Women have the same equal rights as Men? The Bill of Rights was never amended to allow this to happen.  Now, it may state “No Persons”, but you really can’t rely on that when it states “All Men are created equal.”  Gender, should never play a factor in who a company or person should hire to work from them.  Work Ethic and Character should play a large role in it.  If a person is more qualified for a job over another, then that person who is more qualified should get the job.  They should also get equal wages across the board.  In the job fields, a company can give raises based on performance.                  Though, they can give them to who they deem worthy.  Meaning, if a company wants they can discriminate against a person of Sex, Religion, Creed, Color, or Orientation.  All they have to do is not give a wage increase to that person or give a wage increase of lesser proportions.  I feel that the scale is just set there to ensure no one can feel discriminated against, yet, it does exactly that.  The raise scale set by any company, really just sets them up to make it feel unfair and all they have to say is it is “Based on job performance” to get away with it.  Only equal raises that are given are “Cost of Living” wage increases.  The only thing that is equal is the fact that you can only give a payment per hour that is no less than “Minimum Wage”.  Unless, that worker is in a position that offers tips as equal compensation as a fair wage.  This is normally what you would expect a “Hostess” or “Server” at a restaurant to receive.
                We established a government for the better of a collective that was discriminated upon.  That is really the main reason the American Government was established.  People who wanted a freedom to be who they wanted to be and to live as they deemed fit for themselves and not as another person saw.  Somewhere down the line though, this was forgotten and the greed of people and the closed minded agenda that is bred from greed.  That is what we live in now.  Progressive as it still is, it’s been hinder by other obligations that are put first.  Mainly, the need for money, foreign affairs, and the dependence we as a country have on foreign goods and services.  One day though, our country will make every bad decision we have ever made and overturn them.  That will be when we as a country see who a person is, and no longer let an uncontrollable factor as gender/sex rule that we see.




Works Cited(CAWP), C. F. (2012). Women in Elective Office 2012. New Brunswick, NJ: Center for American Woman and Politics (CAWP).
Civil Union. (2012, March 5). Retrieved March 18, 20122, from Wikipedia:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_unionDomestic Partnership. (2012, February 11). Retrieved March 18, 2012, from Wikipedia:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_partnerships_in_CaliforniaBrainyQuote. (2001 - 2012). Abraham Lincoln Quotes. Retrieved March 9, 2012, from BrainyQuote:http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/abraham_lincoln.htmlWikipedia. (2012, February 22). Members of the 111th United States Congress. Retrieved March 9, 2012, from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Members_of_the_111th_United_States_Congress

Bar Thoughts

I'm currently sitting in a bar keeping to myself and just thinking about the world about me. The people are few and far from each other. Some in groups but a few keeping to themselves as though human interaction is quite something they would rather keep from. Life seems to very quite something we all experience in different ways. Thus is our experiences. We rarely as people spot the differences that make us people. We loom for the entire picture to make sense. We aren't positive what that is, though we persevere to grow. It hurts sometimes because being human has that cause and effect.  The world is tiny when compared to the boundless universes that we stare vastly into. To us though, the world is quite large. A single person in a sea of billions. We are human. That has positives and negatives. Those make us who we are. Regardless of experience and chance; we grow. In some way reading this right now. You have grown. That is a series of events that have led you to this point. In some way you are here.  Now that you are. I have your attention, which is the reason you are here. Me. I did something amazing to spark a revolution in you to be here. Everything we do is a revolution in the fact it affects us. We may disregard that ideal state. It's true. We need reason and cause to do an action. We justify anything to make it ideal to us at least. Perception differs per person. So, what seems just to one may seem crazy and outlandish to anyone else. Thus is human. So, in this bar we seem distant but for reasons. It's a building as humans to be us. So, thus this bar is merely a voice to the masses. As it was to me.

~Tegan

Things the Ruin It for Everyone Else.

Okay, This blog will probably get very intense.  Only because I have not said my piece with a great deal of issues that plague Cincinnati, which I think most people would like to know how I feel about it.  So, through my experiences I am just going to light a fire.  So, if you are a faint of heart and do not like those things that are blunt and true. Then, maybe this is not for you.  Maybe it is and you want to stick about.  Which, if that is the case. You are more than welcome here friend.  So, let's break this the fuck down.
   So, two things have happened this week that I really would like to share.  So, let's jump into it.  Last Thursday was "National Coming Out Day".  Which, by all means is a joyous holiday that we celebrate just because we like to rally around anything that is a commonality in the gay community.  As though, we don't just rally around the idea of the word "Gay".  I mean, stereotypes exist for a reason. Am I correct? I know I am.  That's a different story though.  We as people love the idea of coming out because it validates we are who we are.  Which, is great.  Well, a group that I work for was asked to table an event at a local Gay Bar in the Greater Cincinnati Area (If the song "Gay Bar" didn't pop in your head when you read that, honestly, you need to check it out. Great song).  Well, we had a two local openly gay city workers at the event who did key notes.  As well did we have a self-identified Transsexual woman who also was given the microphone.  Let's talk about what happened when she was given the microphone shall we.
    The first thing out of this woman's mouth was honestly the rudest Trans* phrase I've ever heard (I grew up in rude and sarcastic, so honestly this is saying something).  She spoke into the Microphone "So, where are my fellow Transsexuals tonight?  You know, my dick and titty ladies?"  Which, if you knew the area I live in, especially in Northern Kentucky.  Trans* anything is few and far between for locals.  In Cincinnati though, we are growing at a large rate (This fact is exciting for me to see and be a part of).  Well, knowing that this woman and I are the only two Trans* identified persons in the room.  After she spews this phrase to the room and apparently everyone in the room just assumed me "Transsexual" and was waiting for me to raise my hand (because I was a male presenting as female, they read that because they are CIS-Gendered and privileged).  I knew they where waiting for me to raise my hand because the entire room turned it's eyes to me.  Here I am just sitting at the table, tabling by myself might I add.  With everyone looking at me.  The room grew silent for a second and when I guess everyone realised I was not going to raise my hand. We moved on.
    So, let's understand why this was just a horrible scenario for anyone who identified as Trans*.  First off, I am really happy I was the only other Trans* person in this room.  Only because if I wasn't I really probably would have gotten up right then and there and just laid into the woman about how ignorant a statement I really felt that was.  She not only outed me in a room full of LGBQ persons but made me look horrible.  NO Trans* activist in any way, shape, or form would EVER say that to a room.  Only because, it sounds so horrible to say "Dick and Titties".  First off, not everyone calls it a Dick or even have one.  We less not forget our Trans-masculine side of the spectrum. Secondly, persons get GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery).  She made all "Transsexuals" sound like they where just stuck in a constant state of "Dick and Titties".  ON TOP OF THAT! You never in your life ever ask someone who is Trans* at an event to out themselves (because not everyone is out and that is their choice and you RESPECT that).  Plus, in Covington that can be extremely dangerous.  She just created a non-safe space by doing that to anyone who is Trans*.
   Another thing is she just made all Trans* people look vulgar.  If you are being the Trans* person a CIS-Gendered Person meets (for the first time) and you conduct yourself like that.  You make the majority look (to that person or even a collective) that we all act that way.  My initial thought about the entire thing after it happened was "Wow, now everyone in the room thinks I am associated with this woman and on top of that, they now think I act just like that."  Which, I do not.  So, she just invented stereotypes in that persons or collectives... head. So, that was just rough as all get out.

  Now a few days later on Saturday night.  I decide I went to a local Gay Club in Northside to visit a friend for her birthday.  Which, her birthday was so fun and I saw so many people I hadn't in a while and I even met a ton of new persons (who if you know how many people I meet daily is really rough sometimes because I feel bogged down).  We where just boozing and having a good time.  We where there until about 2:30.  When the bar was closing up.  So, it was an enjoyable night for me to have.  I needed it.  Anyway, the story I am getting at is.  Around the time we are leaving this person comes up to me and introduces themselves to myself.  Which, was great because I like to meet new people.  So, here I am presenting as female (which is a normal thing I do).  Being Gender-queer I just bounce between genders are random (I really do not know how people keep up).  This person just walked up to me, introduced herself, and then just assumed me a drag queen and asked me
   "Do you paint (Painting is the art form of using make up on oneself to look like the opposite gender (normally associated with Drag Queens/Drag Kings) on a regular basis? I feel I know you!"  I answered back "No, I am not a drag queen."  This just hurt my feelings because I was just assumed to be a male dressing as female.  They then told me "Well, with cheeks, hips, and shoulders like that you should really become one."  Then turned to my friends, interrupted their conversation and asked "Do you think he would make a great drag queen?"  In which my friends where like "Well... if SHE wanted to do that.  I'd support it, but I honestly don't think SHE would."  So, frustrated by the way we handled it the person looked at me and as they walked by let out "With a face like that, it should be an obligation." and left the room.  Why would I want to be a Drag Queen in a town where most Drag Queens are Transphobic. We have a few that are allies, but honestly they'd probably never tell a room full of people because they'd be barred from performing. *coughcabaretcough* I'd be laughed off the stage.  I would rather just be a performer and live that life.  Yeah, I want to do that someday, but to be called a Drag Queen.  No, that is an association I feel would dampen the affect I want to have on the mass population.  It's my identity... don't try to add to it.  
    I am so honestly sick of TWO things that I have really been noticing lately that people do to me.  First off, the assuming of gender is just starting to get on my nerves.  Why you ask?  Because most people know who the fuck I am and never assume my gender.  So, when it happens I am like "Well, you are an ignorant person I see."  I just keep that mental note with me at all times.  I tag you people in my brain.  Secondly, why does my genitalia have to play a part in having an type of relationship with me?  I'm really hurt when that's what I comes down too.  I have an extraordinary talent to offer the world and just my genitalia matters more than what I can offer to you as a person.  Why?  Don't get to know me as a person to even be friends. Just assume I am a "Freak" and move on..  I have great friends who love me for who I am. Who deal with me on a daily basis and frankly I feel sorry for those people who did not get to know me.  It's their loss, but I just want more friends!
    Hopefully this shed some light on things that happen in my area (that most people do not think about). I just wanted it known that this happens daily and I wanted to break it down to why these things are not okay.  I feel that most people will not understand unless through experiences, we educate them.  I hope you learned things!

As Free As My Hair,
Tegan R. Stryker

A Motto; A Lifestyle.

   Most people who know me, know I live by a motto that I have come to accept as a lifestyle.  Within doing  such a thing. I have found that others have followed me into doing the same thing.  Which, honestly I never thought I would be an example like this.  I have a great deal of good going for me all the time as well as I have a super swell time in my life (at least I believe this).  So, I mean I must be doing something wrong.  The motto you ask?  It's one I rather have loved since I heard the song "Hair" by Lady GaGa.  So, honestly I just took parts of the song and made it something I could hone in on.  It goes simply "As Free As My Hair, The Glory I Bare."
    Now, within hearing that I know most people scratch their head and go "Hrm?"  As though it makes no sense.  Which, honestly this is a commonality for many people when they hear it.  So, I say we should really break it down into it's two main phrases. "As Free As My Hair" and "The Glory I Bare".  Two statements that when alone make even less sense but all the sense in the world at the same time.  So, it's just a way to think of nothing and everything at once.  It's just that simple and complex at a single time.  It's a paradox, I believe.
    "As Free As My Hair"... How is hair free?  How can I be as free as my hair?  These are common questions I have been presented in conversations about my "lifestyle".  I see it like this.  What is one thing that your hair does?  It flows free in the wind regardless if it is short, medium, or long the wind and whip through it and it can move with it. Even though your hair is a dead cell it still has life in the movement of the wind.  It's not caged. It lives a life with you.  It's part of you and not at the same time.  For the control you have over it is none.  It grows and breaks without your ability to control that.  It's as free as any part of you can absolutely be.  It can be any style you make it and yet it's still free.  It can be any color and yet it is still free.  You can alter your hair, but it can still be free.  As though yourself.  You can alter yourself, but you are still free.  It's a small testament to ones persona or even ones character.
    One of my Colleagues is known for one prominent thing at all times.  His amazingly Pink hair with the little dab of blue tipped fringe.  When he walks into a space and people see his hair.  They know who has walked into the room and what to expect from this person.  If someone does not know who he is.  It's fairly certain that even though no interaction between this person and him as taken place.  You can bet they will remember that hair.  In all it's glamorous pink war it's waged on the world.  That's something hair can do.  It itself can be a persona or even a mark on the world.  You can bet that after he fades from the world.  That hair will leave a mark to not be forgotten.
    That's something hair should do.  It should be a free agent to make the world something more prominent.  You should use that hair to be who you want to be.  That's what free as your hair means.  It's just that... free. This leads into the second part "The Glory I Bare."  His hair is his glory.  It's just that.  It's a rally flag for a genderation to see.  For the masses to know they are in a space that is inclusive.  That's his hair.  That's his glory.  I never really understood what my hair could do for me until I really understood this lifestyle I had conceived in my mind.  When I walk into a room, most people know what to expect from me.  I'm a single, independent person.  Who is known for taking some things too far and not taking some things far enough.  I want to verge on things that too far because those are the things we do not talk about much.  Those controversial issues that raise eyebrows and make me seem more "radical" than the rest.  That's my "Glory I Bare".
    How you should see it is that a person (myself) is free like my hair.  Which I am, I have the ability to talk how I deem fit, do what I deem fit, and be who I deem fit.  Within taking those factors into account to build myself to be who I am.  I have to now define this to a genderation.  I need to make it known what I bring to the table.  Which, honestly is my Glory.  My appearance says a lot.  I am expected to be that 80s Chic Vintage Thrifty Nerdy Geeky Punk Rocker who loves music more than anyone else and does and says things that spark controversial topics.  That's because I live "As Free As My Hair" and Bare that Glory as much as I can.  That not only builds the motto but it builds the person.  The "Hair" lifestyle is about being who you want to be and showing the world that you don't care what they think about you, because you are free to do such.  It's basic human rights in a motto.  That's how I see it.

As Free As My Hair,
   Tegan R. Stryker

Trans* Competency

One thing I have learned in the past three weeks is that not many people are very educated on Trans* issues or even how to address a Trans* person.  I recently started a new job at Chipotle, which the job itself has been COMPLETELY amazing.  Majority of the people I actually work with are infact of the LGBTQ community.  If they are not part of it, they are normally on the "Allies" side of the spectrum themselves.  Sweethearts, they really are.
    Only, they really don't know how to address me as a person to be honest.  First off, they all assumed me Male.  Which, is quite alright with me (being the Gender-queer I am).  I am probably a good starting point for them as I do not get offended when I am mis-pronouned.  As I actually like to be called both.  Does not make me flinch. I am just really sad that I was not given "They" until they found what I wanted to go by.
    Sadly, we do not educate people in public school system on human decency it seems.  The ability to look at a person and not observe them to be nothing more than themselves, and have the kindness to not associate who they look like to who they actually are.  I wish I had more people approach me like a co-worker actually did and ask me "When it comes to Pronouns, which do you prefer?"  The single fact that this was an actual event in my life, gave me a single hope that in this day and age people actually have been learning how to be inclusive to those on the Trans* Spectrum.  Why in this 20th Century when Trans* Visibility is visible do we not include these people into basic human rights?
     I've been fighting for identity since I was 15, since then I have had to educate so many people on how to address a person.  As assuming pronouns is absolutely rude.  I mean, we are not that complicated as people.  Maybe a few extra issues that come with us, but for the most part.  I haven't seen much difference between a CIS-gendered person and a Trans* person.  It's quite hilarious how much people blow up gender identity when in retrospect.  It's a common feat we all go through Male or Female, CIS or Trans*.  Let's not forget to be people and work towards being inclusive for everyone in our lives.

Association of Another Notion

Honestly, answer this question and tell me that society does not have you brainwashed when it comes to gender:  What are appropriate colors for "Males" and "Females"?  It's quite an easy answer because the first thing majority of people will think of are "Blue" for "Males" and "Pink" for "Females".  Why?  Obviously it is because when a child is bore we decide that these are typical colors for them.  We rarely stray from this normative because we have been trained to accept these two colors are Gender Specific.  Odd thing about this is that we are very aware of Gender Neutral colors as most families who decide to not disclose the Gender of the child they are going to bare into this world; often will choose neutral colors.  These being Yellow, Purple, and Orange usually.  Though, we know how specific we can become when choosing the shade of these colors.  It's quite a hassle in someways, that is another story nonetheless.

    Now, take for a moment if you will.  What else in the world is Gender Specific in the sense that we associate one gender with this object or place?  I am sure we could sit here and devise list for specific objects and places but in general sense I am sure we can make enough of a dent to get the message across in this post.

    Let's start with the idea of "Male" and how we perceive it in society through association. What are the top three places you would say a "Man" would be? 

1. Hardware Store
2. Sports Complex
3. "Gentlemen's Club"

Now, in our day and age.  We accept that people are more diverse but in a sense we are sticklers for the age old "Truths". Those being that men are Strong, Brave, and Firm.  Who love Woman, Sports, and finally tools/working on cars/houses.  "Men" are known to be aggressive and know what they are looking for, take care of what business that needs to be attended too, and finally known for being the "Bread Winners" of the household they live in.  They love Sporting events, drinking beer with they fellow "Men", and even playing sports with their fellow "Men".  They tend to stay away from colors that are of the female spectrum and rarely like to do things of the nature their opposite gendered counterparts would like to do.

    That's a good lead into the next Gender we are going to associate with. Of course, you have seen the "Male" association offered up.  Now, it's time for "Females" have their stand in the light.  "Women" are suppose to be Caring, Clean, and Subtle.  In society, we like the "Damsel in Distress" to be associated with "Women" because of the fairy tales we grow up with.  This also leaves us with the notion that "Women" want to be saved, which means they also want to be the victim.  Now we all know that to be a enormous fallacy. We also like to associate the color Pink with "Females" as well.  "Women" are suppose to be the home makers, care takers of the family, and the person who attends social gathers.
    Surprisingly enough, "Men" and "Women" have closed the gap in many ways between their roles.  You have your "Mr. Moms" and your "Mrs. Dads".  Some "Men" stay home and tend to the house and the children, while, some "Women" go out and become the "Bread Winners" because they have the ability to make more money than their "Male" counterparts. I'm glad to see that people are being more diverse themselves and breaking from these norms in a more normative fashion.  Contradictory of the points I am bringing up, but makes for a good arguing point.  To bring the idea of gender non-conforming to light is quite an odd thing.  It's what makes us as a society freak out and go "What the..."  Which, when bringing visibility to the idea that Gender Identity and Gender Expression exist on a far bigger plane than we are use too.  That's something that gets the best of us.