Sunday, October 14, 2012

Things the Ruin It for Everyone Else.

Okay, This blog will probably get very intense.  Only because I have not said my piece with a great deal of issues that plague Cincinnati, which I think most people would like to know how I feel about it.  So, through my experiences I am just going to light a fire.  So, if you are a faint of heart and do not like those things that are blunt and true. Then, maybe this is not for you.  Maybe it is and you want to stick about.  Which, if that is the case. You are more than welcome here friend.  So, let's break this the fuck down.
   So, two things have happened this week that I really would like to share.  So, let's jump into it.  Last Thursday was "National Coming Out Day".  Which, by all means is a joyous holiday that we celebrate just because we like to rally around anything that is a commonality in the gay community.  As though, we don't just rally around the idea of the word "Gay".  I mean, stereotypes exist for a reason. Am I correct? I know I am.  That's a different story though.  We as people love the idea of coming out because it validates we are who we are.  Which, is great.  Well, a group that I work for was asked to table an event at a local Gay Bar in the Greater Cincinnati Area (If the song "Gay Bar" didn't pop in your head when you read that, honestly, you need to check it out. Great song).  Well, we had a two local openly gay city workers at the event who did key notes.  As well did we have a self-identified Transsexual woman who also was given the microphone.  Let's talk about what happened when she was given the microphone shall we.
    The first thing out of this woman's mouth was honestly the rudest Trans* phrase I've ever heard (I grew up in rude and sarcastic, so honestly this is saying something).  She spoke into the Microphone "So, where are my fellow Transsexuals tonight?  You know, my dick and titty ladies?"  Which, if you knew the area I live in, especially in Northern Kentucky.  Trans* anything is few and far between for locals.  In Cincinnati though, we are growing at a large rate (This fact is exciting for me to see and be a part of).  Well, knowing that this woman and I are the only two Trans* identified persons in the room.  After she spews this phrase to the room and apparently everyone in the room just assumed me "Transsexual" and was waiting for me to raise my hand (because I was a male presenting as female, they read that because they are CIS-Gendered and privileged).  I knew they where waiting for me to raise my hand because the entire room turned it's eyes to me.  Here I am just sitting at the table, tabling by myself might I add.  With everyone looking at me.  The room grew silent for a second and when I guess everyone realised I was not going to raise my hand. We moved on.
    So, let's understand why this was just a horrible scenario for anyone who identified as Trans*.  First off, I am really happy I was the only other Trans* person in this room.  Only because if I wasn't I really probably would have gotten up right then and there and just laid into the woman about how ignorant a statement I really felt that was.  She not only outed me in a room full of LGBQ persons but made me look horrible.  NO Trans* activist in any way, shape, or form would EVER say that to a room.  Only because, it sounds so horrible to say "Dick and Titties".  First off, not everyone calls it a Dick or even have one.  We less not forget our Trans-masculine side of the spectrum. Secondly, persons get GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery).  She made all "Transsexuals" sound like they where just stuck in a constant state of "Dick and Titties".  ON TOP OF THAT! You never in your life ever ask someone who is Trans* at an event to out themselves (because not everyone is out and that is their choice and you RESPECT that).  Plus, in Covington that can be extremely dangerous.  She just created a non-safe space by doing that to anyone who is Trans*.
   Another thing is she just made all Trans* people look vulgar.  If you are being the Trans* person a CIS-Gendered Person meets (for the first time) and you conduct yourself like that.  You make the majority look (to that person or even a collective) that we all act that way.  My initial thought about the entire thing after it happened was "Wow, now everyone in the room thinks I am associated with this woman and on top of that, they now think I act just like that."  Which, I do not.  So, she just invented stereotypes in that persons or collectives... head. So, that was just rough as all get out.

  Now a few days later on Saturday night.  I decide I went to a local Gay Club in Northside to visit a friend for her birthday.  Which, her birthday was so fun and I saw so many people I hadn't in a while and I even met a ton of new persons (who if you know how many people I meet daily is really rough sometimes because I feel bogged down).  We where just boozing and having a good time.  We where there until about 2:30.  When the bar was closing up.  So, it was an enjoyable night for me to have.  I needed it.  Anyway, the story I am getting at is.  Around the time we are leaving this person comes up to me and introduces themselves to myself.  Which, was great because I like to meet new people.  So, here I am presenting as female (which is a normal thing I do).  Being Gender-queer I just bounce between genders are random (I really do not know how people keep up).  This person just walked up to me, introduced herself, and then just assumed me a drag queen and asked me
   "Do you paint (Painting is the art form of using make up on oneself to look like the opposite gender (normally associated with Drag Queens/Drag Kings) on a regular basis? I feel I know you!"  I answered back "No, I am not a drag queen."  This just hurt my feelings because I was just assumed to be a male dressing as female.  They then told me "Well, with cheeks, hips, and shoulders like that you should really become one."  Then turned to my friends, interrupted their conversation and asked "Do you think he would make a great drag queen?"  In which my friends where like "Well... if SHE wanted to do that.  I'd support it, but I honestly don't think SHE would."  So, frustrated by the way we handled it the person looked at me and as they walked by let out "With a face like that, it should be an obligation." and left the room.  Why would I want to be a Drag Queen in a town where most Drag Queens are Transphobic. We have a few that are allies, but honestly they'd probably never tell a room full of people because they'd be barred from performing. *coughcabaretcough* I'd be laughed off the stage.  I would rather just be a performer and live that life.  Yeah, I want to do that someday, but to be called a Drag Queen.  No, that is an association I feel would dampen the affect I want to have on the mass population.  It's my identity... don't try to add to it.  
    I am so honestly sick of TWO things that I have really been noticing lately that people do to me.  First off, the assuming of gender is just starting to get on my nerves.  Why you ask?  Because most people know who the fuck I am and never assume my gender.  So, when it happens I am like "Well, you are an ignorant person I see."  I just keep that mental note with me at all times.  I tag you people in my brain.  Secondly, why does my genitalia have to play a part in having an type of relationship with me?  I'm really hurt when that's what I comes down too.  I have an extraordinary talent to offer the world and just my genitalia matters more than what I can offer to you as a person.  Why?  Don't get to know me as a person to even be friends. Just assume I am a "Freak" and move on..  I have great friends who love me for who I am. Who deal with me on a daily basis and frankly I feel sorry for those people who did not get to know me.  It's their loss, but I just want more friends!
    Hopefully this shed some light on things that happen in my area (that most people do not think about). I just wanted it known that this happens daily and I wanted to break it down to why these things are not okay.  I feel that most people will not understand unless through experiences, we educate them.  I hope you learned things!

As Free As My Hair,
Tegan R. Stryker

Friday, October 12, 2012

A Motto; A Lifestyle.

   Most people who know me, know I live by a motto that I have come to accept as a lifestyle.  Within doing  such a thing. I have found that others have followed me into doing the same thing.  Which, honestly I never thought I would be an example like this.  I have a great deal of good going for me all the time as well as I have a super swell time in my life (at least I believe this).  So, I mean I must be doing something wrong.  The motto you ask?  It's one I rather have loved since I heard the song "Hair" by Lady GaGa.  So, honestly I just took parts of the song and made it something I could hone in on.  It goes simply "As Free As My Hair, The Glory I Bare."
    Now, within hearing that I know most people scratch their head and go "Hrm?"  As though it makes no sense.  Which, honestly this is a commonality for many people when they hear it.  So, I say we should really break it down into it's two main phrases. "As Free As My Hair" and "The Glory I Bare".  Two statements that when alone make even less sense but all the sense in the world at the same time.  So, it's just a way to think of nothing and everything at once.  It's just that simple and complex at a single time.  It's a paradox, I believe.
    "As Free As My Hair"... How is hair free?  How can I be as free as my hair?  These are common questions I have been presented in conversations about my "lifestyle".  I see it like this.  What is one thing that your hair does?  It flows free in the wind regardless if it is short, medium, or long the wind and whip through it and it can move with it. Even though your hair is a dead cell it still has life in the movement of the wind.  It's not caged. It lives a life with you.  It's part of you and not at the same time.  For the control you have over it is none.  It grows and breaks without your ability to control that.  It's as free as any part of you can absolutely be.  It can be any style you make it and yet it's still free.  It can be any color and yet it is still free.  You can alter your hair, but it can still be free.  As though yourself.  You can alter yourself, but you are still free.  It's a small testament to ones persona or even ones character.
    One of my Colleagues is known for one prominent thing at all times.  His amazingly Pink hair with the little dab of blue tipped fringe.  When he walks into a space and people see his hair.  They know who has walked into the room and what to expect from this person.  If someone does not know who he is.  It's fairly certain that even though no interaction between this person and him as taken place.  You can bet they will remember that hair.  In all it's glamorous pink war it's waged on the world.  That's something hair can do.  It itself can be a persona or even a mark on the world.  You can bet that after he fades from the world.  That hair will leave a mark to not be forgotten.
    That's something hair should do.  It should be a free agent to make the world something more prominent.  You should use that hair to be who you want to be.  That's what free as your hair means.  It's just that... free. This leads into the second part "The Glory I Bare."  His hair is his glory.  It's just that.  It's a rally flag for a genderation to see.  For the masses to know they are in a space that is inclusive.  That's his hair.  That's his glory.  I never really understood what my hair could do for me until I really understood this lifestyle I had conceived in my mind.  When I walk into a room, most people know what to expect from me.  I'm a single, independent person.  Who is known for taking some things too far and not taking some things far enough.  I want to verge on things that too far because those are the things we do not talk about much.  Those controversial issues that raise eyebrows and make me seem more "radical" than the rest.  That's my "Glory I Bare".
    How you should see it is that a person (myself) is free like my hair.  Which I am, I have the ability to talk how I deem fit, do what I deem fit, and be who I deem fit.  Within taking those factors into account to build myself to be who I am.  I have to now define this to a genderation.  I need to make it known what I bring to the table.  Which, honestly is my Glory.  My appearance says a lot.  I am expected to be that 80s Chic Vintage Thrifty Nerdy Geeky Punk Rocker who loves music more than anyone else and does and says things that spark controversial topics.  That's because I live "As Free As My Hair" and Bare that Glory as much as I can.  That not only builds the motto but it builds the person.  The "Hair" lifestyle is about being who you want to be and showing the world that you don't care what they think about you, because you are free to do such.  It's basic human rights in a motto.  That's how I see it.

As Free As My Hair,
   Tegan R. Stryker