Okay, This blog will probably get very intense. Only because I have not said my piece with a great deal of issues that plague Cincinnati, which I think most people would like to know how I feel about it. So, through my experiences I am just going to light a fire. So, if you are a faint of heart and do not like those things that are blunt and true. Then, maybe this is not for you. Maybe it is and you want to stick about. Which, if that is the case. You are more than welcome here friend. So, let's break this the fuck down.
So, two things have happened this week that I really would like to share. So, let's jump into it. Last Thursday was "National Coming Out Day". Which, by all means is a joyous holiday that we celebrate just because we like to rally around anything that is a commonality in the gay community. As though, we don't just rally around the idea of the word "Gay". I mean, stereotypes exist for a reason. Am I correct? I know I am. That's a different story though. We as people love the idea of coming out because it validates we are who we are. Which, is great. Well, a group that I work for was asked to table an event at a local Gay Bar in the Greater Cincinnati Area (If the song "Gay Bar" didn't pop in your head when you read that, honestly, you need to check it out. Great song). Well, we had a two local openly gay city workers at the event who did key notes. As well did we have a self-identified Transsexual woman who also was given the microphone. Let's talk about what happened when she was given the microphone shall we.
The first thing out of this woman's mouth was honestly the rudest Trans* phrase I've ever heard (I grew up in rude and sarcastic, so honestly this is saying something). She spoke into the Microphone "So, where are my fellow Transsexuals tonight? You know, my dick and titty ladies?" Which, if you knew the area I live in, especially in Northern Kentucky. Trans* anything is few and far between for locals. In Cincinnati though, we are growing at a large rate (This fact is exciting for me to see and be a part of). Well, knowing that this woman and I are the only two Trans* identified persons in the room. After she spews this phrase to the room and apparently everyone in the room just assumed me "Transsexual" and was waiting for me to raise my hand (because I was a male presenting as female, they read that because they are CIS-Gendered and privileged). I knew they where waiting for me to raise my hand because the entire room turned it's eyes to me. Here I am just sitting at the table, tabling by myself might I add. With everyone looking at me. The room grew silent for a second and when I guess everyone realised I was not going to raise my hand. We moved on.
So, let's understand why this was just a horrible scenario for anyone who identified as Trans*. First off, I am really happy I was the only other Trans* person in this room. Only because if I wasn't I really probably would have gotten up right then and there and just laid into the woman about how ignorant a statement I really felt that was. She not only outed me in a room full of LGBQ persons but made me look horrible. NO Trans* activist in any way, shape, or form would EVER say that to a room. Only because, it sounds so horrible to say "Dick and Titties". First off, not everyone calls it a Dick or even have one. We less not forget our Trans-masculine side of the spectrum. Secondly, persons get GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery). She made all "Transsexuals" sound like they where just stuck in a constant state of "Dick and Titties". ON TOP OF THAT! You never in your life ever ask someone who is Trans* at an event to out themselves (because not everyone is out and that is their choice and you RESPECT that). Plus, in Covington that can be extremely dangerous. She just created a non-safe space by doing that to anyone who is Trans*.
Another thing is she just made all Trans* people look vulgar. If you are being the Trans* person a CIS-Gendered Person meets (for the first time) and you conduct yourself like that. You make the majority look (to that person or even a collective) that we all act that way. My initial thought about the entire thing after it happened was "Wow, now everyone in the room thinks I am associated with this woman and on top of that, they now think I act just like that." Which, I do not. So, she just invented stereotypes in that persons or collectives... head. So, that was just rough as all get out.
Now a few days later on Saturday night. I decide I went to a local Gay Club in Northside to visit a friend for her birthday. Which, her birthday was so fun and I saw so many people I hadn't in a while and I even met a ton of new persons (who if you know how many people I meet daily is really rough sometimes because I feel bogged down). We where just boozing and having a good time. We where there until about 2:30. When the bar was closing up. So, it was an enjoyable night for me to have. I needed it. Anyway, the story I am getting at is. Around the time we are leaving this person comes up to me and introduces themselves to myself. Which, was great because I like to meet new people. So, here I am presenting as female (which is a normal thing I do). Being Gender-queer I just bounce between genders are random (I really do not know how people keep up). This person just walked up to me, introduced herself, and then just assumed me a drag queen and asked me
"Do you paint (Painting is the art form of using make up on oneself to look like the opposite gender (normally associated with Drag Queens/Drag Kings) on a regular basis? I feel I know you!" I answered back "No, I am not a drag queen." This just hurt my feelings because I was just assumed to be a male dressing as female. They then told me "Well, with cheeks, hips, and shoulders like that you should really become one." Then turned to my friends, interrupted their conversation and asked "Do you think he would make a great drag queen?" In which my friends where like "Well... if SHE wanted to do that. I'd support it, but I honestly don't think SHE would." So, frustrated by the way we handled it the person looked at me and as they walked by let out "With a face like that, it should be an obligation." and left the room. Why would I want to be a Drag Queen in a town where most Drag Queens are Transphobic. We have a few that are allies, but honestly they'd probably never tell a room full of people because they'd be barred from performing. *coughcabaretcough* I'd be laughed off the stage. I would rather just be a performer and live that life. Yeah, I want to do that someday, but to be called a Drag Queen. No, that is an association I feel would dampen the affect I want to have on the mass population. It's my identity... don't try to add to it.
I am so honestly sick of TWO things that I have really been noticing lately that people do to me. First off, the assuming of gender is just starting to get on my nerves. Why you ask? Because most people know who the fuck I am and never assume my gender. So, when it happens I am like "Well, you are an ignorant person I see." I just keep that mental note with me at all times. I tag you people in my brain. Secondly, why does my genitalia have to play a part in having an type of relationship with me? I'm really hurt when that's what I comes down too. I have an extraordinary talent to offer the world and just my genitalia matters more than what I can offer to you as a person. Why? Don't get to know me as a person to even be friends. Just assume I am a "Freak" and move on.. I have great friends who love me for who I am. Who deal with me on a daily basis and frankly I feel sorry for those people who did not get to know me. It's their loss, but I just want more friends!
Hopefully this shed some light on things that happen in my area (that most people do not think about). I just wanted it known that this happens daily and I wanted to break it down to why these things are not okay. I feel that most people will not understand unless through experiences, we educate them. I hope you learned things!
As Free As My Hair,
Tegan R. Stryker
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