In the first installment of this two part series we discussed the difference of post-HRT integration into a society that relies on gender norms to gain any headway as a "societal person". As if growing up with a collective marketed ideal of "Perfection" was not enough, correct? This is where the phrase "Treat Yourself Pretty" comes from. Easily gained from a suicidal tendency, I have gained from that phrase a sense of stability and a sense of purpose for myself.
It's truly about just doing what you need to do to be yourself in a world where being yourself is frowned upon. Since using that phrase as a rallying banner to rise up, I've come to expect a different outlook on life as well as just in general be happy for myself. So, coming from that stand point. I like to have human company. I find solace in the comfort of another human being who can let me live as free as my hair in their presence and accepts me for who I am. Nothing more then that, I just want to be who I am and loved for it. Which, in the past months I have gained a sense of myself as well as gained more indulgence in people who like me for myself.
That has led to dating in a different way. This is a privilege I have gained from hormones as well. Men and women who find interest in me, do not second guess my gender. Mainly we find common ground and build off of that, and learn to experience each other in casual conversations and gentle interaction. Though, I do gain some "Chivalrous" privilege because my gender expression is more feminine than the male persona I so solemnly let out. I guess you could say that in a sense I am percieved as a female and that gains some ground on the way I should be courted. It is very reminiscent to that of a "50s" style of courtship that took place. Both people gain roles that feel appropriate in and from that stems the mechanics that seem to work. Though, no one person should fall into a role they do not feel appropriate with. I know for myself, I don't always like to be the "Girl" and I think many people find my "Masculinity" to be very overpowering. Though, I know I am a intense person and 90% of the time I know what I am want. That means I just really normally do what I please and this can catch people off guard in those situations.
Many things of my experiences have led me to understand the mechanics of gender roles, but one subject underneath the umbrella term of roles that is not really assessed as much as I feel it should be is "Dating Roles". Which, I know from my experiences I have been on both sides of a monogamous relationship. I have been the male and female in heterosexual-esque relationships. As well as I have been the "Dominant" and "Submissive" persona in homosexual-esque relationships. The mechanics normally relay to gender roles you would expect to see. Many "submissive" relationships are very similar to a "female" role in a heterosexual relationship. As the traits are similar to what the binary is assessed with. That also goes for a "Dominant" and Male correlation, which again portray similar roles.
The mechanics become a tad more skewed in an open relationship that involves more than one partner. This is because each person is to assume roles and traits that other partners do not have. In an open relationship. We have a belief that one partner does not have to assume all the expectations we want a partner to have. We have several partners who as a collective build up the ideal partner. We get the chance to experience and love other people (as we all love others different and on different levels), without putting all our expectations on one single individual. That's in general not fair to make one person live up to some giant boots or heels to fill. So, ideally each person plays off traits that other people do not have. In a sense it's a way to get all your needs met, but still having connections and feelings with humans. As, we are not objects and each person is a different story and experiences that are worth time.
This integration into society based off performing to the gender roles that one would expect your expression to portray has given me some insight in which the aspects of society themselves seem hollow. Almost like putting a quarter into a machine and turning the knob, then getting a plastic ball with nothing inside of it. I feel that is an accurate assessment of the roles society expects us to play. We can play, but what we gain from them is silly and in some sense useless.
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