Okay, This blog will probably get very intense. Only because I have not said my piece with a great deal of issues that plague Cincinnati, which I think most people would like to know how I feel about it. So, through my experiences I am just going to light a fire. So, if you are a faint of heart and do not like those things that are blunt and true. Then, maybe this is not for you. Maybe it is and you want to stick about. Which, if that is the case. You are more than welcome here friend. So, let's break this the fuck down.
So, two things have happened this week that I really would like to share. So, let's jump into it. Last Thursday was "National Coming Out Day". Which, by all means is a joyous holiday that we celebrate just because we like to rally around anything that is a commonality in the gay community. As though, we don't just rally around the idea of the word "Gay". I mean, stereotypes exist for a reason. Am I correct? I know I am. That's a different story though. We as people love the idea of coming out because it validates we are who we are. Which, is great. Well, a group that I work for was asked to table an event at a local Gay Bar in the Greater Cincinnati Area (If the song "Gay Bar" didn't pop in your head when you read that, honestly, you need to check it out. Great song). Well, we had a two local openly gay city workers at the event who did key notes. As well did we have a self-identified Transsexual woman who also was given the microphone. Let's talk about what happened when she was given the microphone shall we.
The first thing out of this woman's mouth was honestly the rudest Trans* phrase I've ever heard (I grew up in rude and sarcastic, so honestly this is saying something). She spoke into the Microphone "So, where are my fellow Transsexuals tonight? You know, my dick and titty ladies?" Which, if you knew the area I live in, especially in Northern Kentucky. Trans* anything is few and far between for locals. In Cincinnati though, we are growing at a large rate (This fact is exciting for me to see and be a part of). Well, knowing that this woman and I are the only two Trans* identified persons in the room. After she spews this phrase to the room and apparently everyone in the room just assumed me "Transsexual" and was waiting for me to raise my hand (because I was a male presenting as female, they read that because they are CIS-Gendered and privileged). I knew they where waiting for me to raise my hand because the entire room turned it's eyes to me. Here I am just sitting at the table, tabling by myself might I add. With everyone looking at me. The room grew silent for a second and when I guess everyone realised I was not going to raise my hand. We moved on.
So, let's understand why this was just a horrible scenario for anyone who identified as Trans*. First off, I am really happy I was the only other Trans* person in this room. Only because if I wasn't I really probably would have gotten up right then and there and just laid into the woman about how ignorant a statement I really felt that was. She not only outed me in a room full of LGBQ persons but made me look horrible. NO Trans* activist in any way, shape, or form would EVER say that to a room. Only because, it sounds so horrible to say "Dick and Titties". First off, not everyone calls it a Dick or even have one. We less not forget our Trans-masculine side of the spectrum. Secondly, persons get GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery). She made all "Transsexuals" sound like they where just stuck in a constant state of "Dick and Titties". ON TOP OF THAT! You never in your life ever ask someone who is Trans* at an event to out themselves (because not everyone is out and that is their choice and you RESPECT that). Plus, in Covington that can be extremely dangerous. She just created a non-safe space by doing that to anyone who is Trans*.
Another thing is she just made all Trans* people look vulgar. If you are being the Trans* person a CIS-Gendered Person meets (for the first time) and you conduct yourself like that. You make the majority look (to that person or even a collective) that we all act that way. My initial thought about the entire thing after it happened was "Wow, now everyone in the room thinks I am associated with this woman and on top of that, they now think I act just like that." Which, I do not. So, she just invented stereotypes in that persons or collectives... head. So, that was just rough as all get out.
Now a few days later on Saturday night. I decide I went to a local Gay Club in Northside to visit a friend for her birthday. Which, her birthday was so fun and I saw so many people I hadn't in a while and I even met a ton of new persons (who if you know how many people I meet daily is really rough sometimes because I feel bogged down). We where just boozing and having a good time. We where there until about 2:30. When the bar was closing up. So, it was an enjoyable night for me to have. I needed it. Anyway, the story I am getting at is. Around the time we are leaving this person comes up to me and introduces themselves to myself. Which, was great because I like to meet new people. So, here I am presenting as female (which is a normal thing I do). Being Gender-queer I just bounce between genders are random (I really do not know how people keep up). This person just walked up to me, introduced herself, and then just assumed me a drag queen and asked me
"Do you paint (Painting is the art form of using make up on oneself to look like the opposite gender (normally associated with Drag Queens/Drag Kings) on a regular basis? I feel I know you!" I answered back "No, I am not a drag queen." This just hurt my feelings because I was just assumed to be a male dressing as female. They then told me "Well, with cheeks, hips, and shoulders like that you should really become one." Then turned to my friends, interrupted their conversation and asked "Do you think he would make a great drag queen?" In which my friends where like "Well... if SHE wanted to do that. I'd support it, but I honestly don't think SHE would." So, frustrated by the way we handled it the person looked at me and as they walked by let out "With a face like that, it should be an obligation." and left the room. Why would I want to be a Drag Queen in a town where most Drag Queens are Transphobic. We have a few that are allies, but honestly they'd probably never tell a room full of people because they'd be barred from performing. *coughcabaretcough* I'd be laughed off the stage. I would rather just be a performer and live that life. Yeah, I want to do that someday, but to be called a Drag Queen. No, that is an association I feel would dampen the affect I want to have on the mass population. It's my identity... don't try to add to it.
I am so honestly sick of TWO things that I have really been noticing lately that people do to me. First off, the assuming of gender is just starting to get on my nerves. Why you ask? Because most people know who the fuck I am and never assume my gender. So, when it happens I am like "Well, you are an ignorant person I see." I just keep that mental note with me at all times. I tag you people in my brain. Secondly, why does my genitalia have to play a part in having an type of relationship with me? I'm really hurt when that's what I comes down too. I have an extraordinary talent to offer the world and just my genitalia matters more than what I can offer to you as a person. Why? Don't get to know me as a person to even be friends. Just assume I am a "Freak" and move on.. I have great friends who love me for who I am. Who deal with me on a daily basis and frankly I feel sorry for those people who did not get to know me. It's their loss, but I just want more friends!
Hopefully this shed some light on things that happen in my area (that most people do not think about). I just wanted it known that this happens daily and I wanted to break it down to why these things are not okay. I feel that most people will not understand unless through experiences, we educate them. I hope you learned things!
As Free As My Hair,
Tegan R. Stryker
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
A Motto; A Lifestyle.
Most people who know me, know I live by a motto that I have come to accept as a lifestyle. Within doing such a thing. I have found that others have followed me into doing the same thing. Which, honestly I never thought I would be an example like this. I have a great deal of good going for me all the time as well as I have a super swell time in my life (at least I believe this). So, I mean I must be doing something wrong. The motto you ask? It's one I rather have loved since I heard the song "Hair" by Lady GaGa. So, honestly I just took parts of the song and made it something I could hone in on. It goes simply "As Free As My Hair, The Glory I Bare."
Now, within hearing that I know most people scratch their head and go "Hrm?" As though it makes no sense. Which, honestly this is a commonality for many people when they hear it. So, I say we should really break it down into it's two main phrases. "As Free As My Hair" and "The Glory I Bare". Two statements that when alone make even less sense but all the sense in the world at the same time. So, it's just a way to think of nothing and everything at once. It's just that simple and complex at a single time. It's a paradox, I believe.
"As Free As My Hair"... How is hair free? How can I be as free as my hair? These are common questions I have been presented in conversations about my "lifestyle". I see it like this. What is one thing that your hair does? It flows free in the wind regardless if it is short, medium, or long the wind and whip through it and it can move with it. Even though your hair is a dead cell it still has life in the movement of the wind. It's not caged. It lives a life with you. It's part of you and not at the same time. For the control you have over it is none. It grows and breaks without your ability to control that. It's as free as any part of you can absolutely be. It can be any style you make it and yet it's still free. It can be any color and yet it is still free. You can alter your hair, but it can still be free. As though yourself. You can alter yourself, but you are still free. It's a small testament to ones persona or even ones character.
One of my Colleagues is known for one prominent thing at all times. His amazingly Pink hair with the little dab of blue tipped fringe. When he walks into a space and people see his hair. They know who has walked into the room and what to expect from this person. If someone does not know who he is. It's fairly certain that even though no interaction between this person and him as taken place. You can bet they will remember that hair. In all it's glamorous pink war it's waged on the world. That's something hair can do. It itself can be a persona or even a mark on the world. You can bet that after he fades from the world. That hair will leave a mark to not be forgotten.
That's something hair should do. It should be a free agent to make the world something more prominent. You should use that hair to be who you want to be. That's what free as your hair means. It's just that... free. This leads into the second part "The Glory I Bare." His hair is his glory. It's just that. It's a rally flag for a genderation to see. For the masses to know they are in a space that is inclusive. That's his hair. That's his glory. I never really understood what my hair could do for me until I really understood this lifestyle I had conceived in my mind. When I walk into a room, most people know what to expect from me. I'm a single, independent person. Who is known for taking some things too far and not taking some things far enough. I want to verge on things that too far because those are the things we do not talk about much. Those controversial issues that raise eyebrows and make me seem more "radical" than the rest. That's my "Glory I Bare".
How you should see it is that a person (myself) is free like my hair. Which I am, I have the ability to talk how I deem fit, do what I deem fit, and be who I deem fit. Within taking those factors into account to build myself to be who I am. I have to now define this to a genderation. I need to make it known what I bring to the table. Which, honestly is my Glory. My appearance says a lot. I am expected to be that 80s Chic Vintage Thrifty Nerdy Geeky Punk Rocker who loves music more than anyone else and does and says things that spark controversial topics. That's because I live "As Free As My Hair" and Bare that Glory as much as I can. That not only builds the motto but it builds the person. The "Hair" lifestyle is about being who you want to be and showing the world that you don't care what they think about you, because you are free to do such. It's basic human rights in a motto. That's how I see it.
As Free As My Hair,
Tegan R. Stryker
Now, within hearing that I know most people scratch their head and go "Hrm?" As though it makes no sense. Which, honestly this is a commonality for many people when they hear it. So, I say we should really break it down into it's two main phrases. "As Free As My Hair" and "The Glory I Bare". Two statements that when alone make even less sense but all the sense in the world at the same time. So, it's just a way to think of nothing and everything at once. It's just that simple and complex at a single time. It's a paradox, I believe.
"As Free As My Hair"... How is hair free? How can I be as free as my hair? These are common questions I have been presented in conversations about my "lifestyle". I see it like this. What is one thing that your hair does? It flows free in the wind regardless if it is short, medium, or long the wind and whip through it and it can move with it. Even though your hair is a dead cell it still has life in the movement of the wind. It's not caged. It lives a life with you. It's part of you and not at the same time. For the control you have over it is none. It grows and breaks without your ability to control that. It's as free as any part of you can absolutely be. It can be any style you make it and yet it's still free. It can be any color and yet it is still free. You can alter your hair, but it can still be free. As though yourself. You can alter yourself, but you are still free. It's a small testament to ones persona or even ones character.
One of my Colleagues is known for one prominent thing at all times. His amazingly Pink hair with the little dab of blue tipped fringe. When he walks into a space and people see his hair. They know who has walked into the room and what to expect from this person. If someone does not know who he is. It's fairly certain that even though no interaction between this person and him as taken place. You can bet they will remember that hair. In all it's glamorous pink war it's waged on the world. That's something hair can do. It itself can be a persona or even a mark on the world. You can bet that after he fades from the world. That hair will leave a mark to not be forgotten.
That's something hair should do. It should be a free agent to make the world something more prominent. You should use that hair to be who you want to be. That's what free as your hair means. It's just that... free. This leads into the second part "The Glory I Bare." His hair is his glory. It's just that. It's a rally flag for a genderation to see. For the masses to know they are in a space that is inclusive. That's his hair. That's his glory. I never really understood what my hair could do for me until I really understood this lifestyle I had conceived in my mind. When I walk into a room, most people know what to expect from me. I'm a single, independent person. Who is known for taking some things too far and not taking some things far enough. I want to verge on things that too far because those are the things we do not talk about much. Those controversial issues that raise eyebrows and make me seem more "radical" than the rest. That's my "Glory I Bare".
How you should see it is that a person (myself) is free like my hair. Which I am, I have the ability to talk how I deem fit, do what I deem fit, and be who I deem fit. Within taking those factors into account to build myself to be who I am. I have to now define this to a genderation. I need to make it known what I bring to the table. Which, honestly is my Glory. My appearance says a lot. I am expected to be that 80s Chic Vintage Thrifty Nerdy Geeky Punk Rocker who loves music more than anyone else and does and says things that spark controversial topics. That's because I live "As Free As My Hair" and Bare that Glory as much as I can. That not only builds the motto but it builds the person. The "Hair" lifestyle is about being who you want to be and showing the world that you don't care what they think about you, because you are free to do such. It's basic human rights in a motto. That's how I see it.
As Free As My Hair,
Tegan R. Stryker
Monday, August 20, 2012
Trans* Competency
One thing I have learned in the past three weeks is that not many people are very educated on Trans* issues or even how to address a Trans* person. I recently started a new job at Chipotle, which the job itself has been COMPLETELY amazing. Majority of the people I actually work with are infact of the LGBTQ community. If they are not part of it, they are normally on the "Allies" side of the spectrum themselves. Sweethearts, they really are.
Only, they really don't know how to address me as a person to be honest. First off, they all assumed me Male. Which, is quite alright with me (being the Gender-queer I am). I am probably a good starting point for them as I do not get offended when I am mis-pronouned. As I actually like to be called both. Does not make me flinch. I am just really sad that I was not given "They" until they found what I wanted to go by.
Sadly, we do not educate people in public school system on human decency it seems. The ability to look at a person and not observe them to be nothing more than themselves, and have the kindness to not associate who they look like to who they actually are. I wish I had more people approach me like a co-worker actually did and ask me "When it comes to Pronouns, which do you prefer?" The single fact that this was an actual event in my life, gave me a single hope that in this day and age people actually have been learning how to be inclusive to those on the Trans* Spectrum. Why in this 20th Century when Trans* Visibility is visible do we not include these people into basic human rights?
I've been fighting for identity since I was 15, since then I have had to educate so many people on how to address a person. As assuming pronouns is absolutely rude. I mean, we are not that complicated as people. Maybe a few extra issues that come with us, but for the most part. I haven't seen much difference between a CIS-gendered person and a Trans* person. It's quite hilarious how much people blow up gender identity when in retrospect. It's a common feat we all go through Male or Female, CIS or Trans*. Let's not forget to be people and work towards being inclusive for everyone in our lives.
Only, they really don't know how to address me as a person to be honest. First off, they all assumed me Male. Which, is quite alright with me (being the Gender-queer I am). I am probably a good starting point for them as I do not get offended when I am mis-pronouned. As I actually like to be called both. Does not make me flinch. I am just really sad that I was not given "They" until they found what I wanted to go by.
Sadly, we do not educate people in public school system on human decency it seems. The ability to look at a person and not observe them to be nothing more than themselves, and have the kindness to not associate who they look like to who they actually are. I wish I had more people approach me like a co-worker actually did and ask me "When it comes to Pronouns, which do you prefer?" The single fact that this was an actual event in my life, gave me a single hope that in this day and age people actually have been learning how to be inclusive to those on the Trans* Spectrum. Why in this 20th Century when Trans* Visibility is visible do we not include these people into basic human rights?
I've been fighting for identity since I was 15, since then I have had to educate so many people on how to address a person. As assuming pronouns is absolutely rude. I mean, we are not that complicated as people. Maybe a few extra issues that come with us, but for the most part. I haven't seen much difference between a CIS-gendered person and a Trans* person. It's quite hilarious how much people blow up gender identity when in retrospect. It's a common feat we all go through Male or Female, CIS or Trans*. Let's not forget to be people and work towards being inclusive for everyone in our lives.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Association of Another Notion
Honestly, answer this question and tell me that society does not have you brainwashed when it comes to gender: What are appropriate colors for "Males" and "Females"? It's quite an easy answer because the first thing majority of people will think of are "Blue" for "Males" and "Pink" for "Females". Why? Obviously it is because when a child is bore we decide that these are typical colors for them. We rarely stray from this normative because we have been trained to accept these two colors are Gender Specific. Odd thing about this is that we are very aware of Gender Neutral colors as most families who decide to not disclose the Gender of the child they are going to bare into this world; often will choose neutral colors. These being Yellow, Purple, and Orange usually. Though, we know how specific we can become when choosing the shade of these colors. It's quite a hassle in someways, that is another story nonetheless.
Now, take for a moment if you will. What else in the world is Gender Specific in the sense that we associate one gender with this object or place? I am sure we could sit here and devise list for specific objects and places but in general sense I am sure we can make enough of a dent to get the message across in this post.
Let's start with the idea of "Male" and how we perceive it in society through association. What are the top three places you would say a "Man" would be?
- Hardware Store
- Sports Complex
- "Gentlemen's Club"
That's a good lead into the next Gender we are going to associate with. Of course, you have seen the "Male" association offered up. Now, it's time for "Females" have their stand in the light. "Women" are suppose to be Caring, Clean, and Subtle. In society, we like the "Damsel in Distress" to be associated with "Women" because of the fairy tales we grow up with. This also leaves us with the notion that "Women" want to be saved, which means they also want to be the victim. Now we all know that to be a enormous fallacy. We also like to associate the color Pink with "Females" as well. "Women" are suppose to be the home makers, care takers of the family, and the person who attends social gathers.
Surprisingly enough, "Men" and "Women" have closed the gap in many ways between their roles. You have your "Mr. Moms" and your "Mrs. Dads". Some "Men" stay home and tend to the house and the children, while, some "Women" go out and become the "Bread Winners" because they have the ability to make more money than their "Male" counterparts. I'm glad to see that people are being more diverse themselves and breaking from these norms in a more normative fashion. Contradictory of the points I am bringing up, but makes for a good arguing point. To bring the idea of gender non-conforming to light is quite an odd thing. It's what makes us as a society freak out and go "What the..." Which, when bringing visibility to the idea that Gender Identity and Gender Expression exist on a far bigger plane than we are use too. That's something that gets the best of us.
Surprisingly enough, "Men" and "Women" have closed the gap in many ways between their roles. You have your "Mr. Moms" and your "Mrs. Dads". Some "Men" stay home and tend to the house and the children, while, some "Women" go out and become the "Bread Winners" because they have the ability to make more money than their "Male" counterparts. I'm glad to see that people are being more diverse themselves and breaking from these norms in a more normative fashion. Contradictory of the points I am bringing up, but makes for a good arguing point. To bring the idea of gender non-conforming to light is quite an odd thing. It's what makes us as a society freak out and go "What the..." Which, when bringing visibility to the idea that Gender Identity and Gender Expression exist on a far bigger plane than we are use too. That's something that gets the best of us.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Putting on the Ritz
One thing that seems to rather be nibbling at me as of late is the idea of Gender Roles in society and how if someone breaks from these roles. It seems that everyone goes nuts and just either cannot handle what just happened or shuns it like an old trench coat. The simplest idea is that in today's society so many people play with Gender Roles outside of their Gender Boxes. The sense is the people who are CIS-gendered themselves seem to be doing this as well.
Let's take one of the oldest practices of Gender Roles and make it colourful! "Chivalry"; was originally used by Knights as a code of conduct towards people in their kingdoms (a greater portion of Chivalrous acts where put towards the Females). A single fact I think we fail to know about Chivalry is that when I Knight wanted to "Mark his Territory" over a single Female, he would perform acts of Chivalry to proclaim that said Female was his. As most Woman where owned by men in those times. Women where property and at many times where traded to save kingdoms or to better relationships with other kingdoms without their consent.
Ideally, the right of a woman was know and accepted. It wasn't until the 1900s when Woman finally started to make such a huge movement that it gathered momentum and finally landed Women full rights as citizens and people in most of Western Civilization as well as Europe. The fact that Women had to fight for this long is widely crazy to comprehend because it should have been never an option to oppress anyone because their gender was different.
Nowadays, we have people who embrace roles that in society we place on a certain gender because the characteristics match that of qualities we expect from a single gender. Like homemakers. We expect homemakers to be of which gender? Female. Why? Because it means for you to be someone who nurtures children all day, cleans the house, and makes the meals. So we have Nurturing being a big characteristic there. Well, I personally know Men who have taken on these roles and done a swell job and in some cases a better job then those of their equal opposite gender counterparts. Does that mean a single gender is better? No, it just means that some people have a better grasp of situations and can make the best of them, sometimes, better than others.
Personally, I fulfill gender roles on both sides of the Gender Spectrum. I love to assume roles for both Genders. I go out and chop down trees, come inside cook dinner, and even make up the beds. Frankly, I love to clean, do laundry, cook meals, dig ditches for projects around the house, and open up doors for anyone. I like to go out and make the monies, come back home and fulfill these duties as well. We fail to understand that individuals who are single do fill most gender roles at all times as well. We need to be more aware that Gender Roles are just roles. Whom fills said roles does not depend on the gender they are, but the person they are.
Let's take one of the oldest practices of Gender Roles and make it colourful! "Chivalry"; was originally used by Knights as a code of conduct towards people in their kingdoms (a greater portion of Chivalrous acts where put towards the Females). A single fact I think we fail to know about Chivalry is that when I Knight wanted to "Mark his Territory" over a single Female, he would perform acts of Chivalry to proclaim that said Female was his. As most Woman where owned by men in those times. Women where property and at many times where traded to save kingdoms or to better relationships with other kingdoms without their consent.
Ideally, the right of a woman was know and accepted. It wasn't until the 1900s when Woman finally started to make such a huge movement that it gathered momentum and finally landed Women full rights as citizens and people in most of Western Civilization as well as Europe. The fact that Women had to fight for this long is widely crazy to comprehend because it should have been never an option to oppress anyone because their gender was different.
Nowadays, we have people who embrace roles that in society we place on a certain gender because the characteristics match that of qualities we expect from a single gender. Like homemakers. We expect homemakers to be of which gender? Female. Why? Because it means for you to be someone who nurtures children all day, cleans the house, and makes the meals. So we have Nurturing being a big characteristic there. Well, I personally know Men who have taken on these roles and done a swell job and in some cases a better job then those of their equal opposite gender counterparts. Does that mean a single gender is better? No, it just means that some people have a better grasp of situations and can make the best of them, sometimes, better than others.
Personally, I fulfill gender roles on both sides of the Gender Spectrum. I love to assume roles for both Genders. I go out and chop down trees, come inside cook dinner, and even make up the beds. Frankly, I love to clean, do laundry, cook meals, dig ditches for projects around the house, and open up doors for anyone. I like to go out and make the monies, come back home and fulfill these duties as well. We fail to understand that individuals who are single do fill most gender roles at all times as well. We need to be more aware that Gender Roles are just roles. Whom fills said roles does not depend on the gender they are, but the person they are.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Lasting Impressions
Curiosity is something in which the world is full of. Everyone is curious about something and moves to make that curious part of them... fulfilled. Now, the interesting thing about curiosity is the single fact that is can be about any subject matter. The idea that curiosity fits any person, place, or thing. It's universal in that fact. What even more interesting about Curiosity is when... it can be placed by a person onto a person. I rather think I do not have an interesting life, but only because I live my life. I guess we are our worst critics and I have the worst review for myself sometimes. Only because growing up my self-esteem was basically non-existent because let's face it. Children can be cruel to those who are very different from the "Norm" children are encourage to believe in society by our failure of a public education system (let's face it. It's lacking more than the essentials needed to develop our youth for our modern age beliefs.)
So, basically two topics are coming alive right now! The first topic is the most by far interesting for myself. My family is quite a curious bunch. Especially when it comes to "Tegan". I think for the most part the idea of my existence as it is; is understood but still not fully grasped. Which, is no ones fault. It's quite a baffling topic to myself. I just am really along for the ride that is my body. I would honestly have it no other way. To be fully honest, I find the idea of being curious towards a person who breaks many "Norms" as well as Gender Barriers to be a point in the right direction for a person. Only if their curiosity is positive. It can become an unhealthy obsession. I've seen this happen first and second hand. A singular idea of someone being curious is grand, but the questions can both be repetitive and sometimes obstacles themselves to grasp (if you yourself have never asked them to yourself). I get to reflect not only on myself but on someone else's interest. It's quite flattering and daunting at both times.
We know that educating a person is quite a grand thing to do. As, when you educate someone on obscure topics "Gender Expression", "Sexual Orientation", and "Gender Roles" can be used as examples of topics that can be delve into to a point that everyone in the conversation throws their hands in the air and goes "FUCK THIS!". When you arrive at this point. So many questions are presented that you go out and learn more. Curiosity at it's best.
Another topic is Self-Esteem. Sometimes, I find it interesting to look back on where I have come from and look at where I stand now and go "Wow, this moment defined a piece of who I am today." That's great to have that reflection because it can be a building block of your self-esteem. Now, in all our lives Self-Esteem fluxing based on the circumstances we currently have in our life.. It's all circumstantial. Sometimes you can be top of Mount Everest and sometimes you can be in Challenger Deep. When I was in Public School. I was openly gay as well as Trans*. In which, people both praised my "Bravery" and proceed to harass me to points in which I wanted to destroy myself. Which, honestly I hope no one has to ever be that way about themselves. I since leaving school have been defining myself and not looking to others for the appreciation I need in my life. As I appreciate myself. Which is valid. So, self-esteem should be yours to define and make what you will. Being a person is quite a grand experience because life is a roller coaster and always leaving you wanting more. "Live as free as your hair." - "Hair" - Lady GaGa. Honestly, the most inspiration quote I have ever lived by. If not for that, I'd not be who I am on this day in time. Remember, we need to be the best we can be, to shape the world.
~ Tegan Rowan Stryker
So, basically two topics are coming alive right now! The first topic is the most by far interesting for myself. My family is quite a curious bunch. Especially when it comes to "Tegan". I think for the most part the idea of my existence as it is; is understood but still not fully grasped. Which, is no ones fault. It's quite a baffling topic to myself. I just am really along for the ride that is my body. I would honestly have it no other way. To be fully honest, I find the idea of being curious towards a person who breaks many "Norms" as well as Gender Barriers to be a point in the right direction for a person. Only if their curiosity is positive. It can become an unhealthy obsession. I've seen this happen first and second hand. A singular idea of someone being curious is grand, but the questions can both be repetitive and sometimes obstacles themselves to grasp (if you yourself have never asked them to yourself). I get to reflect not only on myself but on someone else's interest. It's quite flattering and daunting at both times.
We know that educating a person is quite a grand thing to do. As, when you educate someone on obscure topics "Gender Expression", "Sexual Orientation", and "Gender Roles" can be used as examples of topics that can be delve into to a point that everyone in the conversation throws their hands in the air and goes "FUCK THIS!". When you arrive at this point. So many questions are presented that you go out and learn more. Curiosity at it's best.
Another topic is Self-Esteem. Sometimes, I find it interesting to look back on where I have come from and look at where I stand now and go "Wow, this moment defined a piece of who I am today." That's great to have that reflection because it can be a building block of your self-esteem. Now, in all our lives Self-Esteem fluxing based on the circumstances we currently have in our life.. It's all circumstantial. Sometimes you can be top of Mount Everest and sometimes you can be in Challenger Deep. When I was in Public School. I was openly gay as well as Trans*. In which, people both praised my "Bravery" and proceed to harass me to points in which I wanted to destroy myself. Which, honestly I hope no one has to ever be that way about themselves. I since leaving school have been defining myself and not looking to others for the appreciation I need in my life. As I appreciate myself. Which is valid. So, self-esteem should be yours to define and make what you will. Being a person is quite a grand experience because life is a roller coaster and always leaving you wanting more. "Live as free as your hair." - "Hair" - Lady GaGa. Honestly, the most inspiration quote I have ever lived by. If not for that, I'd not be who I am on this day in time. Remember, we need to be the best we can be, to shape the world.
~ Tegan Rowan Stryker
Friday, July 6, 2012
Reflecting Pools... Not Always For Swimming
This week has proven to be one of those moments in time, where one can (when they grow older) can look back on a say "This really was a pivotal time in my life.". Saying that is really something I am proud to be able to say. I've gotten closer to a few people this week who I have been wanting to get closer too as well as found that being who I am, does not matter in the slightest to these people either. Sometimes I describe myself as a carcrash. "I'm a Car-Crash, but then I have to get up." The line originally comes from the song "Underwater" from Tegan and Sara. The meaning that I derive from the line is that as myself I believe I am a handful. My mental capacity to mold gender to what I will, honestly has terrified a few people. I consider myself to be "Genderqueer" or "Genderfluid". Meaning that I jump between gender roles as well as mental states at my will. It's quite an interesting feat. I was talking to my Mother earlier this week and she had asked me about how I feel about myself. So, I told her that "You know it is like this. Last week I went outside, I chopped down a tree, and finally came inside to paint my nails." I just jump between masculine and feminine all the time.
I for the longest time was battling this feeling of losing a part of myself because I was very feminine but also had masculine traits. Luckily, one of my friends is the biggest Genderfuck this is of the planet! So, with his help he really helped me affirm myself. Since then, I am glad to say that I really do not give the slightest "fuck" about what I do with myself. I exist and live my life, what I do with my life is of my own accord. So, it's nice to finally be in the spot in my life. People may be confused by it, yet, I deal with it quite well.
It's like this modernness belief that we have to associate everything that happens in society to a certain extent to Gender. Clothes, Mannerisms, and Appearances for example. Then, when you have these people that break from this normalization state and be who they want to be. It's like the world just goes "Oh no! We cannot have that!" Either the world tries to rectify you as a person, assume you to be a person of which you are not, or finally just write you off. In the sense, I struggled with this ideal state of mind. I wanted to fit in a gender box for the longest time. In the past year, I've broken from this and realised. Who the fuck cares! On that note I leave you with this: Would you rather sit in a box and be condemned to a life in which you hate to lead or would you want to be the best you can be and do what you deem correct for yourself?
I for the longest time was battling this feeling of losing a part of myself because I was very feminine but also had masculine traits. Luckily, one of my friends is the biggest Genderfuck this is of the planet! So, with his help he really helped me affirm myself. Since then, I am glad to say that I really do not give the slightest "fuck" about what I do with myself. I exist and live my life, what I do with my life is of my own accord. So, it's nice to finally be in the spot in my life. People may be confused by it, yet, I deal with it quite well.
It's like this modernness belief that we have to associate everything that happens in society to a certain extent to Gender. Clothes, Mannerisms, and Appearances for example. Then, when you have these people that break from this normalization state and be who they want to be. It's like the world just goes "Oh no! We cannot have that!" Either the world tries to rectify you as a person, assume you to be a person of which you are not, or finally just write you off. In the sense, I struggled with this ideal state of mind. I wanted to fit in a gender box for the longest time. In the past year, I've broken from this and realised. Who the fuck cares! On that note I leave you with this: Would you rather sit in a box and be condemned to a life in which you hate to lead or would you want to be the best you can be and do what you deem correct for yourself?
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