Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Something We Forgot.

Leehlah Alcorn, do you know that name? That is a name that I am sure that most of the US, and the world are very familiar with. If, you don't know the story of Leehlah Alcorn. I'd say you've been living under a rock. Otherwise, I'm about to give you a downer ending with an opinion that isn't too popular. I want to say it, because I'm let down by both society and my community.

Leehlah Alcorn roughly about a Month ago: Committed suicide. Yeah, remember growing up and you where told:

"Committing Suicide is a cowards way out."

If you are Trans*, and throw yourself out in front of traffic. You get your picture plastered on the news, and made into a martyr. That's the message we've been given.

Why do you get made into a Martyr? Only, because it was asked. Seriously, read the suicide note. She literally asked that we do just this.

My retort is this: I live in Cincinnati, and I literally am watching my community gather around a dead trans* white girl. When we have had worse issues with being Trans* here. I've personally be harassed by a group of people before in Walnut Hills. It's terrifying!

Have you heard of Tiffany Edwards? Probably not. She wasn't youth, and she wasn't white. Tiffany Edwards was an amazing Trans* woman of colour. Who despite what the world thought of her, wanted to live and be trans*. If you are black, trans*, and get your life taken from you. You don't get made into what Leehlah Alcorn is: A martyr.

Also, the people who are throwing this in our faces. They are quite possibly the worse trans* activist I'd have touch such an issue. The leader of this vigil, decided the day before the vigil to create a group on Facebook. She left it open, and proceeded to add almost every trans* individual in Cincinnati. I was lucky enough to be spared by this outing. A few of my friends; Not so. We have learned about a few trans* people who are stealth. Yet, now they are not. We haven't had an apology about this action. Nor do I think such a novice at trans* activism would admit a wrong doing.

The vigil was far from friendly or a safe space. We couldn't even mourn our dead in peace. We where invited to hear "Iris" by GooGoo Dolls for our opening of ceremonies...

So, let's both understand this is a cliché. As well as, you brought people to a memorial over suicide to hear you butcher a song about Suicide. Why didn't they just open up with "Diamond Smiles" by The Boomtown Rats? It leaves the guesswork out of what the song is about.

"She went up the stairs. Stood upon her vanity chair. Tied her lament belt around the chandelier, and went out kicking in the perfumed air."

I wonder how many Trans* people realised the amount of cameras in this space? We are one of the most revered communities in the world. Yet, we are just going to place not only trans* youth under the age of 18 in front of cameras; almost every trans* individual in the city of Cincinnati. Visibility is one thing, but when you mourn the dead. It should be together in solace. Not made to be a national event.

This "Affirmation Ritual" that took place. Which was led by a Trans* pastor. Not that I am against a Trans* pastor. Being someone who has a bad history with religion. As many Trans* people do. She made us participate. Literally told us: "If you don't talk. I'll keep on talking." Excuse me, but you forced us into a religious ceremony? How dare you muddle my beliefs!

The truest victims in all of this are the friends of Leehlah. Whom are being exploited. Only, they are so young they do not understand what they are into. Another victim: The driver of the truck that hit Leehlah has to live with what happened.

The main point of my debacle is this: How many trans* youth and trans* folks die yearly?

Large numbers around the world.

Furthermore, how many struggles do my brother's and sister's face daily?

Hate crimes against LGBTQPIA members are high, but majority of these are trans* hate crimes. Further: majority of Trans* hate crimes are against female identifying folks. Yet, a white trans* youth who throws themselves in front of a truck. Gets way more attention.

I do mourn her as well. She is a life that shouldn't have been lost. Yet, our respect for such a loss is little from kosher. I'm dreading the impact made by the people spearheading the initiative, because their lack of ability to address key issues. I'm sad to call myself part of the Trans* community in Cincinnati.

On a final note: what has happened because of her death is good. National debates are being held on trans* rights. This is major. What does suck? The way she is portrayed. It's not kosher.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Dear Putin

Dear Vladimir Putin,

    Have you looked outside today? Did you see the sun? Or the harsh Russian winter that has you huddled inside. Did you eat breakfast? Was it satisfying?

   I woke up, ate breakfast, and made a point to wrote this to you. You may very look at it, but what matters is that I put it in the Ether. In the 25 years I have been graced with being on the planet. I've seen suffering in these eyes. For far too long. I look around at my Brothers and Sisters who have fought the good fight for equality. For justice. For happiness.

  You sir, are a tyrant. Plain and simple. In a world where injustice and inequality are at high marks. You lead the Calvary in the fight against the LGBTQPIA. People whom have only wanted to be the people they want to be. People who have finished nothing to do you wrong. Only better their quality of life.

  Do you sleep at night with one eye open? Sometimes at night the terrors of my past. Brought on by being a Trans* individual in a world where I am disliked for being different. It keeps me up at night. While my brothers and sisters are wronged by your plight. It keeps me up. It fuels the fire.

  One day Putin, after you are left in a miserable mess you've made for yourself. Our plight for equality, for justice, and for a better way of life. It will still be stronger than any bomb you've built. Any ties you've cut. It will be stronger.

  To be a Trans* individual isn't a curse but a liberation. One to understand that something you couldn't choose at birth. It's more than that. It's what you make it. I will not adhere to standards set in place by a government meant to restrain their people. Meant to put them in fear for being themselves. Do you think you can halt their existence? Far from it. The people are angry. They want justice. To whom will take the fall? You Putin. You will see as justice you yielded will consume you. Will make you weak.

   The disease you may think we have. May hold us back. From what I have seen, through the years. It doesn't hold us back. It makes us unique. Makes us difference. Makes us want to fight for our justice. You too, will pay for the crimes against humanity. Maybe not now, but soon. We are coming.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Top Floor, Please.

   One of my darkest secrets I have never revealed to the world is that I suffer from Manic Depression. This on two separate occasions has come close to ending the life I lead today. Something I tell people is that I have in fact seen how deep I am willing to go. I have in previous blog post mentioned this.

   Depression is something that runs in my family. As well as many other afflictions of the brain do: Schizophrenia, Dementia, and Alzheimer's. We really did get crap luck on the mental facilities. This doesn't mean that I haven't questioned mental health down the road. It's a question that once in a while pops up.

   So, I really exercise my brain. I am a fan of crosswords and puzzle games. I do as well love to read.  I feel I do well at these task. To say the least. It's a question that does both worry myself and even more so, make me take precautions. This is a good reminder for someone of my mental constituency.

  One of the reasons I am writing this. Being a heavy need to check my mental state. Everyone should. It's a good way to make sure you have been making fair and important judgements with the best of your ability. Nothing is wrong with a mental check up!

  I'm sure the main question that has at least passed your mind has been: do I have depression attacks? I do indeed. In moments when I am alone and at night. Especially in the winter time. All of these being key times when depression occurs.

   "Winter time is not for the lonely. It always hits to the heart." - "Winterheart" - Niki and the Dove
  
  Being left alone with my thoughts; sometimes it devours me. I have a good deal of insecurities that do in fact haunt me. Failure, trust, and relationship type things. These thoughts do cross my mind.

  My grandmother always said "Busy Hands aren't Idle Hands." That's really how I deal with my depression. I really take initiative and do a task to keep my mind busy. That's why crafts and art are in my resume.  Sometimes it can be a little much to bear. It does get me down. Sometimes it's even an uphill battle.

  It's something that plagues a better part of the US. In a society where so much is put on perfection, fitting in, and gender roles. It's a no brainer why it exist on such a large scale. 

  Some may say that medication would be a route I should consider. I honestly I lived 25 years with such an affliction and have taken measures necessary to combat it. I feel that I shouldn't deviate from a path when methods exist in place, and work.

  Many great people have existed on this planet with such issues and illnesses. They have as well made great people out of themselves. Take C.S. Lewis for example. He wrote beloved children's books while being Schizophrenic. It should never be looked down on when such achievements exist. So, I do not look at this affliction as a curse. More so, as a way to work towards being a better person. By overcoming my weaknesses.