In the first installment of this two part series we discussed the difference of post-HRT integration into a society that relies on gender norms to gain any headway as a "societal person". As if growing up with a collective marketed ideal of "Perfection" was not enough, correct? This is where the phrase "Treat Yourself Pretty" comes from. Easily gained from a suicidal tendency, I have gained from that phrase a sense of stability and a sense of purpose for myself.
It's truly about just doing what you need to do to be yourself in a world where being yourself is frowned upon. Since using that phrase as a rallying banner to rise up, I've come to expect a different outlook on life as well as just in general be happy for myself. So, coming from that stand point. I like to have human company. I find solace in the comfort of another human being who can let me live as free as my hair in their presence and accepts me for who I am. Nothing more then that, I just want to be who I am and loved for it. Which, in the past months I have gained a sense of myself as well as gained more indulgence in people who like me for myself.
That has led to dating in a different way. This is a privilege I have gained from hormones as well. Men and women who find interest in me, do not second guess my gender. Mainly we find common ground and build off of that, and learn to experience each other in casual conversations and gentle interaction. Though, I do gain some "Chivalrous" privilege because my gender expression is more feminine than the male persona I so solemnly let out. I guess you could say that in a sense I am percieved as a female and that gains some ground on the way I should be courted. It is very reminiscent to that of a "50s" style of courtship that took place. Both people gain roles that feel appropriate in and from that stems the mechanics that seem to work. Though, no one person should fall into a role they do not feel appropriate with. I know for myself, I don't always like to be the "Girl" and I think many people find my "Masculinity" to be very overpowering. Though, I know I am a intense person and 90% of the time I know what I am want. That means I just really normally do what I please and this can catch people off guard in those situations.
Many things of my experiences have led me to understand the mechanics of gender roles, but one subject underneath the umbrella term of roles that is not really assessed as much as I feel it should be is "Dating Roles". Which, I know from my experiences I have been on both sides of a monogamous relationship. I have been the male and female in heterosexual-esque relationships. As well as I have been the "Dominant" and "Submissive" persona in homosexual-esque relationships. The mechanics normally relay to gender roles you would expect to see. Many "submissive" relationships are very similar to a "female" role in a heterosexual relationship. As the traits are similar to what the binary is assessed with. That also goes for a "Dominant" and Male correlation, which again portray similar roles.
The mechanics become a tad more skewed in an open relationship that involves more than one partner. This is because each person is to assume roles and traits that other partners do not have. In an open relationship. We have a belief that one partner does not have to assume all the expectations we want a partner to have. We have several partners who as a collective build up the ideal partner. We get the chance to experience and love other people (as we all love others different and on different levels), without putting all our expectations on one single individual. That's in general not fair to make one person live up to some giant boots or heels to fill. So, ideally each person plays off traits that other people do not have. In a sense it's a way to get all your needs met, but still having connections and feelings with humans. As, we are not objects and each person is a different story and experiences that are worth time.
This integration into society based off performing to the gender roles that one would expect your expression to portray has given me some insight in which the aspects of society themselves seem hollow. Almost like putting a quarter into a machine and turning the knob, then getting a plastic ball with nothing inside of it. I feel that is an accurate assessment of the roles society expects us to play. We can play, but what we gain from them is silly and in some sense useless.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Treating Youself Pretty: Part I
Dear Reader,
Today, I am writing you as many months have changed since I last wrote to you. Many things about myself have changed as well as I have more experiences to write about. I've come to understand more about myself in a sense that I am more accepted my society more than I use to be. A few things I have noticed at the beginning where:
The number of those occurrences have drastically changed. I haven't been questioned in my gender in a long time. Though, we all know that any of those above never really phased me. It's just interesting that they have faded away and really now I have a new set of things in which I get to indulge in.
I never really understood or could even explain how when you fit into the binary that people will treat you differently. Not a bad differently but a difference one has never enjoyed. I've come to understand that I get treated different then the "Male" self had been treated. The respect I get from people is different. It's more or less a chivalrous respect. In my presence I find men try to boast their masculinity in a sense they want me to find them attractive. Like an Alpha Male complex I have come to realise exist. As well as Women, let me into their inner circle of friendship. I have found that women are more apt to befriend me because they realise I am female. This is so true at work. I've noticed that I have gone from "That Trans* person" to just "Tegan". As though people have washed from their minds the original person I had been. Which, it may seem little to them. It's a refresher for me.
From all of this has come a bigger understanding of the society we live in and how it all works. I truly can say that I have a deeper respect and understanding for the genders when I have transverse over both binaries. I know I don't really fit into either binary box of "Male" or "Female" but I think I have a good mix of it. Gender is fluid and I know I live that ideal everyday. In some sense we find ourselves a mix of both genders.
I never really wanted to fix into a box. I've honestly just wanted to be "Stealth" for a tiny time to just understand what it was like to be "Stealth" as well as to know that I was able to best that beast. Yet, I feel more accomplished in my mission than I thought I would become. Though, from this experience I've grown happier, healthier, and just more excited about living. Many people feel they do not fit society norms. I know for myself this has always been true. People are in the box and I'm just free falling off a cliff into another adventure.
Dating too has become something in which I didn't expect a change but it has. When it comes to the majority of the relationships I have held. I had to take the initiative because I was portrayed or seen by my partner as "Male" or "Alpha". Which, I can see with being who I am. I always feel it is important to take responsibility because majority of the time. No one else will. I rather don't mind it, but once in a while I want to know what it is like to be the "Female". I have gotten this treatment as of late and it's exciting. It's nice that men and women physically render me as "Female" in their heads and with that: comes a different type of interaction then the one I once had gained from them.
People who learn that I am trans*. They find it hard to grasp. I can recall earlier this week a women at work needed my assistance. I divulged to her that I had changed my name from William to Tegan. She looked right at me and her eyes got big "Really? You are kidding me?" I wasn't at all drawn back by it because I am very open about my identity and those who ask and want to know. I let it known to them. It's part of my idea of being who I want to be. Which is going to be the main point of "Treating Yourself Pretty: Part II".
Thanks,
Tegan Rowan Stryker
Today, I am writing you as many months have changed since I last wrote to you. Many things about myself have changed as well as I have more experiences to write about. I've come to understand more about myself in a sense that I am more accepted my society more than I use to be. A few things I have noticed at the beginning where:
- The second glances to check my privilege
- The nervousness of folks around me
- The avoidance from people
- The slurs
- The checking of ones privilege
The number of those occurrences have drastically changed. I haven't been questioned in my gender in a long time. Though, we all know that any of those above never really phased me. It's just interesting that they have faded away and really now I have a new set of things in which I get to indulge in.
- People smile at me at random times
- The amount of compliments I get daily is astounding
- Men/Woman find me attractive and go as far to ask for my number
- My privilege isn't check anymore
- I have become happier in the past few months
I never really understood or could even explain how when you fit into the binary that people will treat you differently. Not a bad differently but a difference one has never enjoyed. I've come to understand that I get treated different then the "Male" self had been treated. The respect I get from people is different. It's more or less a chivalrous respect. In my presence I find men try to boast their masculinity in a sense they want me to find them attractive. Like an Alpha Male complex I have come to realise exist. As well as Women, let me into their inner circle of friendship. I have found that women are more apt to befriend me because they realise I am female. This is so true at work. I've noticed that I have gone from "That Trans* person" to just "Tegan". As though people have washed from their minds the original person I had been. Which, it may seem little to them. It's a refresher for me.
From all of this has come a bigger understanding of the society we live in and how it all works. I truly can say that I have a deeper respect and understanding for the genders when I have transverse over both binaries. I know I don't really fit into either binary box of "Male" or "Female" but I think I have a good mix of it. Gender is fluid and I know I live that ideal everyday. In some sense we find ourselves a mix of both genders.
I never really wanted to fix into a box. I've honestly just wanted to be "Stealth" for a tiny time to just understand what it was like to be "Stealth" as well as to know that I was able to best that beast. Yet, I feel more accomplished in my mission than I thought I would become. Though, from this experience I've grown happier, healthier, and just more excited about living. Many people feel they do not fit society norms. I know for myself this has always been true. People are in the box and I'm just free falling off a cliff into another adventure.
Dating too has become something in which I didn't expect a change but it has. When it comes to the majority of the relationships I have held. I had to take the initiative because I was portrayed or seen by my partner as "Male" or "Alpha". Which, I can see with being who I am. I always feel it is important to take responsibility because majority of the time. No one else will. I rather don't mind it, but once in a while I want to know what it is like to be the "Female". I have gotten this treatment as of late and it's exciting. It's nice that men and women physically render me as "Female" in their heads and with that: comes a different type of interaction then the one I once had gained from them.
People who learn that I am trans*. They find it hard to grasp. I can recall earlier this week a women at work needed my assistance. I divulged to her that I had changed my name from William to Tegan. She looked right at me and her eyes got big "Really? You are kidding me?" I wasn't at all drawn back by it because I am very open about my identity and those who ask and want to know. I let it known to them. It's part of my idea of being who I want to be. Which is going to be the main point of "Treating Yourself Pretty: Part II".
Thanks,
Tegan Rowan Stryker
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